Lehigh Valley Ramblings - The "Hate" Blog

Today, both The Express Times and Morning Call cast public light on Northampton County's decision to block Internet access to this blog. Concerns that it was being singled out have been addressed. The county now blocks all blogs using the blogspot.com address. Gee, thanks.

County exec. Stoffa assured me in an email yesterday that this decision was not directed at me specifically. But when I read today's Morning Call account, I learned my blog "was snagged by software the county has begun using to stop employees from looking at Web sites containing 73 categories of unacceptable material, including adult, gambling, violence and hate topics."

Give me a break.

This isn't Hustler and I'm no David Duke. And honestly, I don't know very much about gambling. I pretty much listen on that subject. What I have done, and with some relish, is poke fun from time to time at the hypocrisy of local public officials. I have said that Northampton County judges spend public money "like drunken sailors," and they do. I have reported that county court administrator Onembo is called "the snake," and he is. And is it me, but doesn't that new courthouse rotunda look like a giant crayon sharpener?

OK, I am a miserable bastard. But lumping me in with adult, gambling, violence and hate topics is a bit much. It's defamation by implication, if you want to get technical.

Northampton County Blocks Lehigh Valley Ramblings: Was it Something I Said?

Since starting this blog, I've written 114 posts mentioning Northampton County. Sure, I'll write about Nazareth (35 posts) or Upper Macungie (8 posts) or even Iraq (31 posts), but Northampton County is usually on my front burner. This week alone, I wrote that no Northampton County judge deserves retention, and actually criticized judicial plans for a veterans' memorial outside our very own Taj Mahal. Well, the Empire has struck back! I learned Thursday that someone somewhere has decided to impose a block on county employees seeking access to my blog on county-owned computers.

County employees seeking access to my blog get this rather scary message:

403 FORBIDDEN - Access to this website has been blocked due to organizational policies. * * * ALL ATTEMPTS ARE BEING LOGGED

The message goes on to explain that "X-rated sites are often blocked." Some employees tell me that if they try to get access three times, sirens go off and they're jolted by a nonlethal blast of electricity.

O.K. I made that part up.

Holy cannoli! I'm X-rated, bippy, and the county is censoring me! I asked someone to type in LVDem's url, and that bastard's blog popped right up

Who could have wanted to shut me up? Actually, that list is pretty frickin' long. I did confront court administrator Onembo, but he had no idea what I was talking about.

I decided to check this out, called information services, and was told they are in the process of blocking non-work related sites, although I still don't know who made this decision. Eventually, no blog will be accessible from a county computer. Newspapers are exempt for now, even though they're not work-related. But it's only a matter of time for them, too.

Did information services decide on its own to regulate content like this? I honestly don't think so. I don't believe it is within their province to decide what employees may or may not see. This is a command decision.

Concerns about Internet gambling or pornography might justify some regulation, but the county is actually censoring ideas, treating them as though they are something filthy.

By making it hard to get on this or any other blog, the county has just guaranteed that those who really want to do so will spend far more time gaining access. And in a county workforce that already has terrible morale, you sure don't improve things by treating employees like little kids.

Why not just make clear to employees that web-traffic is being monitored? Why not explain that anyone who spends too much time on non-work related web-sites risks disciplinary action?

I believe the real reason for restricting access has nothing to do with improving employee productivity and everything to do with censoring the free flow of ideas. If this is the county's goal, it will fail.

Attempts to suppress speech always do.

And so the battle rages.

Update:Enclosed is the text of an email I sent to the county executive and information services today:

Yesterday, I became aware of a block that was placed on my blog by information services. County employees who want to take a look get the following message: "403 FORBIDDEN - Access to this website has been blocked due to organizational policies. * * * ALL ATTEMPTS ARE BEING LOGGED" In a telephone call with a very nice lady in Information Services, I was told this block was imposed because my site is not "work-related." But many other local blogs and other news and/or opinion sources have not been blocked.

The purpose of this email is to request that access be restored at your earliest possible convenience. I make this request for the following reasons:

1) You are a public, and not private, employer. I have a first amendment right to petition my government for the redress of grievances. But increasingly, NC is making it difficult for citizens to exercise that right. There's only one way in, and you might die of old age before you get there. Email addresses are rarely published. And now, sites like mine, that deal directly with NC and may even be work-related in some instances, are being blocked. After my second post about the Liberty Bell, I got a call from a then county official who was looking at the blog. Like the ostrich, the county is burying its head in the sand and will miss future opportunities to address matters of public concern by blocking this blog.

2) Some private employers do impose restrictions, but that's counterproductive. You don't make employees better by treating them like little kids. You cause resentful behavior, especially when they've had no raises for nearly 4 years. In the end, they actually become less productive.

3) I've just been lumped in with X-rated sites. Someone, somewhere within the county, whether it is in administration or information services, has decided to defame my blog by implication. They tell employees that 403 sites like mine are "often" X-rated. They are acting in a defamatory manner and are undermining my credibility, whether intentional or not.

4) You are discriminating. Why are some blogs up while others are not? Why are other news sources, like the mainstream publications, still up? Of course, those sources have more credibility, but isn't that a decision a reader can make for himself? How long will it be before someone somewhere in the county decides that The Express Times or Morning Call is no longer work-related? That decision will surely follow some critical article.

5) I could understand a block directed at X-rated sites or online gambling. If that is your goal, then whatever tool you are using is far to extreme.

I repeat my request that this block be removed immediately. I'd also like to know whether my blog was specifically targeted, and the reason for that.

Update #2: I didn't expect to receive a reply from the County Executive today. He's a busy beaver. But late this afternoon, Stoffa was kind enough to drop me a line to say he's looking into my complaint. He assures me no block was specifically targeted at my blog, and thinks we can work things out. I appreciate his very prompt response and willingness to look into this situation. It really sets him apart.

Don't Be So Quick to Tie Charlie Dent to Mayor Betty

Elizabeth Fields, Bath's Democratic mayor, was recently charged with stealing more than nine thousand dollars from her church's collection money. Fields had been a Democrat for Dent, and three local bloggers have been lightning quick to note the connection. Lehigh Valley Common Sense irresponsibly slimes Dent by calling him "as crooked as all others." LVDem suggests, in a much more subdued post, that Dent "may not be such a good judge of character." LVAddict also makes the Dent connection, and it's ruining his Christmas.

During the congressional campaign, Dent attempted to link Dertinger with former campaign consultant Michael Solomon, who recently spent some time at a club fed for bribery. Although Solomon did some work on one of Dertinger's council campaigns and they obviously met a few times, Dertinger had no reason at that time to suspect Solomon of anything. Dent was mudslinging. Politics is a dirty game.

Now the mud is being tossed at Dent. No one can logically conclude Dent is a "crook" simply because he happened to know or was friendly with Fields. Bath residents call Mayor Betty "a good-humored official who attends local events, supports businesses and throws out the first pitch each year for the Little League team." Thief is not a term they use.

Ah ha! Are Bath residents crooks, too? Are they poor judges of character?

The same "logic" being applied to Dent could condemn an entire community. Bath residents, who know her better than anyone, have elected her to office for over twenty years. So I must part paths with my blogger buddies on this one.

Good people often make mistakes. Fields will have to account for what happened. But I would not be so quick to condemn either her or those who call her a friend. Twenty years ago, I lost my license to practice law as a result of alcoholism. Much of what happened in those days is still a blur. But those people who stood by me probably saved my life. And I would never associate them with my sins. And it is wrong to associate Dent with those committed by Fields.

Update: I don't know what the hell is going on. LVDem's original post on this subject is gone. Poof! I'm innocent.

Should Morning Call Identify Race of Easton Bus Driver Assailant?

Today's Morning Call and Express Times both tell you that a LANTA bus driver was recently assaulted in Easton by a disgruntled passenger who was asked to take his feet off a seat. The Morning Call provides no description of the assailant while the Express Times tells us he is black, between 20 and 25 years old, 5 feet 8 or 5 feet 9 inches tall, 165 pounds, and wearing all-black clothing.

Easton police today released a raw surveillance video to WFMZ and asked viewers for help in identifying the suspect.

Fear of racial stereotyping has led many papers to shy away from use of racial identifiers. The Roanoke Times, for example, will "not mention a person's race in describing criminal suspects or fugitives unless the rest of the description is detailed enough to be meaningful. Sketchy descriptions are often meaningless and may apply to large numbers of innocent people."

In this case, where a suspect is at large and police are asking for the public's help in finding him, race is relevant. This is especially so since there is also a description of the person's height, weight and age. Given this detail, there is little risk of racial stereotyping. And racist commentary was still plentiful in The Morning Call's online forum, a truly scary place. One enlightened reader states the driver should have "axed" the assailant to put his feet down.

Chris "Blue Collar" Casey Planning Run for Lehigh County Commissioner

Chris "blue collar" Casey, told me today that he intends to run for an at large commissioner seat in Lehigh County next year. Some may question another run so soon after Casey's loss to Doug Reichley for state rep., but I'm glad he's doing it. Two Republicans may not be seeking reelection, and Casey is certainly gaining name recognition in the Lehigh Valley.

In Casey's words, "We need citizens on the Board of Commissioners who will work to improve our county's many communities with an eye on what economic and social conditions we can reasonably expect to exist in the next 20 to 30 years, not for how our economy and society function today." Although Casey thinks county exec Don Cunningham is a leader, he believes "Lehigh County Judges and the 7 to 2 Republican edge in Commissioners is more obstructionist and backward thinking than progressive."

Too bad he can't run here.

Northampton County Judges Throw Us a Bone

If there is any doubt in your mind that Northampton County judges are running this county, look no further than today's Express Times. Judges are now planning to decorate a plaza near the giant crayon sharpener rotunda with a simple memorial to area veterans. Cost? Ten or fifteen thousand bucks. Well-paid court administrator James "the snake" Onembo hissed, "That amount may not be necessary. We're trying for something simple."

I've got an idea! Why don't the judges dig into their own pockets? They've dug in ours long enough. How's that for something simple?

Why is a court administrator, and not County Exec Stoffa, doing all the talking? According to the court's own website, Onembo "is responsible for the long and short-term judicial planning, interaction with the other branches of county government, day-to-day operations of the Court as well as the oversight of the various court divisions and district justice offices." He's not there to decide what to do in a plaza near the rotunda. We elected someone to make those decisions. But the court is still trying to run this county.

And the sole reason for a ten or fifteen thousand dollar memorial is to placate you. They're throwing us a bone, bippy. Judges are betting that people will love that memorial so much they'll forget President Judge Freedberg's promise not to exceed $43 for the Taj Mahal. That project is now at least $3 million over budget and nearly a year behind schedule.

As veterans salute each other and give somber speeches, judges hope the public will forget about the once ample parking chewed up by their expansion. Total disregard for courthouse furniture and jackhammered slate slabs will be a hazy memory. No one will mind the judges' private dining room and private floor to which keys are denied to all, even deputy sheriffs. Employees made ill by all the Fiberglas particles and asbestos removal are just crybabies who should suck it up like our vets.

Look at our beautiful memorial!

Best of all, this memorial will be dedicated right around the time that Judge Stephen Barrata seeks retention. What a coincidinky!

Northampton County officials were not happy yesterday, when I suggested that no Northampton County judge should be retained. One of them told me I was a "little tough" on poor Judge Barrata. Admittedly, he's not President Judge and it would be difficult for him to come out against the court's official position.

But then he shouldn't be telling WGPA's radio audience that he wishes he could take them all on a tour of the new complex. He can't have it both ways. Is he prepared to state it's wrong to pay a court administrator over $102,000, and then allow him to work part time in Franklin Township and engage in a questionable real estate deal near the new courthouse complex? Will he reject a payraise when courthouse employees have gone without for nearly four years? He has taken no affirmative steps to distinguish himself from Freedberg/Moran/Onembo.

These are not questions about abortion or some other legal issue that a judge must refuse to answer. These are questions about perks and the people who work under him.

I'm waiting to see if Barrata answers these questions. If he tolerates an Onembo, he doesn't deserve retention. We deserve fair judges, not people who use political hacks to call the prothonotary to discover how I paid for my lawsuit against the county.

And so the battle rages.

Mass Transit Advocates Suffer Setback in Easton

Most of us look down our noses at people who ride the bus. They're full of the dregs of society and we might catch a disease or something if we get close to "those people." So we stick to our Ford Explorers.

Here's just part of the reason why Eric Snider won't take a bus anywhere.

I was sitting in the bus station, which was very large and almost empty, when a very unpleasant-looking man came in. He had a scroungy beard, dirty clothes, and he smelled like the shores of Lake Elsinore on a hot day. Naturally, he sat down next to me. There had been nothing in my demeanor or appearance to suggest that I wanted company, but he sat next to me anyway.

He said, "Are you going northwest?"

"No," I said. "Just north."

There was a pause, and then he said, "I got hit by a car yesterday."

That's when I decided to walk over to the mall and hang out there for a while. Call me a snob -- go ahead, do it now, I'll wait -- but any place where strangers frequently begin conversations by mentioning recent personal injuries is not a place at which I care to spend a great deal of time.

So he had a bad trip. I guess I upset him.

Boo hoo.

Now Snider and car snobs can now claim they've been right all along. A LANTA bus driver was recently punched six times in the face for telling an Easton passenger to take his feet off a seat. Although LANTA's Executive Director can recall no similar incident, a nitwit from Easton has just given us a little more reason to stay in our cars.

Who Let the Dogs Out? Bethlehem's Dog Park

Bethlehem proudly proclaims its 72,000 residents have a "rich colonial and industrial history." George Washington actually did sleep there. The Christmas City is home to the oldest Bach choir in America. Its August Musikfest draws a million visitors every year. And Bethlehem's Liberty Hurricanes are district football champs for two years straight. But what really sets Bethlehem apart, at least in my view, is that it is the only municipality in the Lehigh Valley with its very own dog park. I spent several days there during the Thanksgiving holiday. It's a real treat for both canines and their human companions.

I'll be honest. The very notion of a dog park initially struck me as decadent - just another sign that we're going to the dogs. Why can't people just walk their frickin' dogs? What's next? A cat park? Hamster playground? Well, as is the case with so many other things, I was completely wrong. I pretty much spent the weekend there. It was both more fun and a lot cheaper than a day trip to Philly or NYC, although I am scratching myself a lot.

What you do is walk inside the damn enclosure, pretend you're from Bethlehem by doing a chicken dance or something, take your dog off the leash, and watch her romp. She's a completely different animal than the one who yanks at your leash. Most dogs are completely social. They run, jump, play bite, growl, dump, growl again, run around some more, dump again, and generally have a good time. I swear they're smiling. In addition to the dog, I also let a seven year old boy off his leash, but he had to clean up his own dumps. I had as much trouble extracting him from the park as I did with the dog.

Over the past three days, he met greyhounds and whippets, and saw firsthand why they are rated the fastest dogs in the world. Man, do they fly! He saw everything from lumbering English mastiffs, the world's largest dogs, to chihuahuas, the world's smallest. He can tell you about an intelligent German Shepherd who stole his sandwich as he was walking towards the park, a gigantic Bernese Mountain Dog who played gently with a three pound jack-a-poo pup, and basset hounds , who perpetually patrolled to bark at dogs stepping out of line.

What also amazes is just how damn nice people can be. I've wasted years running bike paths throughout the Lehigh Valley, especially along Sand Island and in Palmer Township. Most people just don't want to say hi when they're out for a walk or run, even with their dogs. But at the dog park, people actually spoke to me, even though I now have ridiculous gashes on my forehead and nose. Maybe they thought I was one of the dogs. I did get a milkbone.

A few people came with no dogs at all. They liked being around those rolling fur balls.

Obviously, a little puppy or sick dog would not do well in a dog park, and you have to keep an eye on your pet at all times. It's basic common sense. One fellow decided to test whether the Doberman he picked up at a shelter three days earlier was social by bringing him to the dog park. Guess what? He wasn't. I would suggest checking out the park for a few minutes to make sure there are no problems and to leave if a dog or its owner starts acting strangely. Must be why I ended up alone.

There are only 29 dog parks in Pennsylvania, but the Lehigh Valley may soon have its second canine playground. Nazareth approved the concept back in July.

Northampton County's Judges Should Not be Retained

Northampton County Judge Steve Barrata appeared two weeks ago on a local radio talk show, telling listeners that the new courthouse expansion is just magnificent. And it's true. It's great for judges. It's just everyone else who suffers. The expansion is at least $2 million over budget and way behind schedule. Contractors are milking this project for as long as they can. I'd love to know the labor costs for landscaping and hand cut stones for the wind sensitive fountain. I'm sure they are at least twice what was budgeted. Taxes increased 66% over two years and over 100 positions were eliminated to pay for this monstrosity.

So why was Judge Barrata on the radio, and why was local lawyer Don Russo kissing his derriere? Elementary, my dear bippy! Barrata is up for retention next year and he wants the masses to know he's a swell guy.

I don't think a single judge should be retained. Hey Steve, where were you when county employees were getting sick? Did you speak up when over 100 positions were eliminated to help pay for your expansion? Where were you when your $15 thousand judicial lunch table had to be sawed in half just to get it in your new building? Where were you when judges decided that all members of the public had to be searched when they entered your new building, even if their business took them nowhere near a courtroom? What talk show were you on to announce that you would refuse the new pay raise? How can you take a nickel when the people who work under you have seen nothing for nearly four years? Why couldn't you open your mouth about any of the judicial excesses? How can you put up with a court administrator who is paid $102,705 per year as a full time administrator, but who is nevertheless allowed to supplement his salary by working as both constable and zoning administrator in Franklin Township, New Jersey? These are just a few questions that Barrata should answer if he expects to remain on the bench. I'm not holding my breath.

Murphy's Lesser Known Dictums

We're all familiar with Murphy's Law. "If anything can go wrong, it will". Most of us have personally experienced some of the necessary corallaries, such as "Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."

A friend has just sent me some of Murphy's lesser-known dictums, so I'll share them with you.

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some pols appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine or borough council.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Bush Spares Turkeys But Humans Aren't so Lucky

GW participated yesterday in the usual ritual of sparing the Thanksgiving Day turkey. As we all know by now, he loves turkeys. Too bad his love does not extend to fellow human beings. As of today, 2869 Americans have died in Iraq, and another 21,778 have been wounded.

And he was very reluctant to use his pardoning power when he was governor of Texas. Born-again Bush mocked murderess Karla Faye Tucker. "Please ... please don't kill me," he mimicked as he ignored the condemned woman's petition for clemency. And when he argued against hate crimes for people who murdered their victims, the "compassionate conservative" proclaimed (with a sneer),"It will be hard to punish them any worse after they get put to death."

Happy Thanksgiving! See you Monday.

Problem in Norco' Voter Registration Office? Here's Why

On Monday, I told you about Dent's final numbers in Northampton County. Instead of losing the county by 100 votes, he actually won by over 3,000 votes. Green Dog notes these discrepancies extend to other races as well. Today's Morning Call tells us state senator Pat Browne had 2,000 more votes than was originally reported.

Congressman Charlie Dent today told WGPA 1100 AM that voters are entitled to an explanation for the growing problems in Northampton County. I agree. And this is not just a Republican problem. After the primary, it took six weeks to come up an unofficial total for the write-in races, and that had to hurt candidates like Democrats Charles Dertinger and Russ Shade.

A few weeks ago, Registrar Debbie DePaul suggested some voters seeking absentee ballots were lazy. When I told DePaul that her staement insulted voters, this was her response.

"I seem to not understand your point other then you wish to find negative in every possible thing that I or my office does. It matters not the countless hard work and effort, the dedication, worry, stress and concern to make every Election the very best for everyone most importantly the voters. You seem to have failed to notice and appreciate that the person in charge of the Election Office is intelligent, dedicated, fair and non-bias and holds her office to the same standards. With every positive effort to hold a good and fair election I seem to be fighting a very negative, nasty wave from a group that seem to wish bad upon the office or the election. Yes, Mr. O'Hare there are some that do not wish to go to the polls believe it or not their have been several making those comments in my office in front of staff. It's not the majority and for your information I have many friends and family using the absentee due to medical illness and not being in the municipality. I look to uphold every area of the laws of the election process and I wont apologize for that and I certainly do not look for praise or a pat on the back I am just doing my job. I do what the laws and my conscious tell me I am suppose to do. I would suggest you try to be a more positive person and see the good in people as there is much good in most. I wish you the best."

When she speaks about the election office, Depaul refers to herself. I'm no expert, but her response clearly reveals why her office is a mess. She's a hardworking and dedicated worker, but clearly is stressed.

The Bad Date - A Penn State Student's Tragedy

Believe it or not, I have a few young readers from the Lehigh Valley who are away at college. One of them, a PSU student, recently sent me a summary of one of his more recent dates.

Remember dates?

I've decided to share this entertaining summary, written from the male's perspective, with you. Times have changed. I just used a club.

What to Expect on a Date with a Chemical Engineer, from a Chemist’s Perspective

No matter how early you are, you’re late.

She'll tell you a chemistry degree is a booby prize, because an engineer can do anything a chemist can, but not vice versa.

She will talk about her ex non-stop and tell you every reason it wasn’t going to work for her.

She will order a full dinner even though the date was for “drinks”.

She will demean your research work in every way imaginable, and tell you flat out that you are wrong.

Anything you do, or can do, she can do better and already knows more about it than you do, so it’s best to just shut up and let her talk.

She knows everything there is to know about relationships and emotions because she read about it in some Gloria Steinem book.

She will try and get you to read that dumb ass book so you can understand about relationships.

She will talk mostly about herself and really doesn’t even care if you pay attention or not.

Her degree in chem. Eng. is a fall back plan because she is probably writing a 9 book series about leprechauns. DO NOT ask about it, I can’t stress that enough.

She may tell you you’d look much more attractive if you’d shave your head, because obviously, you look like shit now.

She will tell you you’re uneducated if you don’t have a favorite art piece, but honestly, she probably thinks you’re uneducated anyway, so who cares?

She will tell you that even though she’s never painted she knows she will be good at it, and will be a professional painter someday.

She will tell how much of a feminist she is, but will let you to pay for everything, without even the slightest argument.

If you ever used match.com or some internet dating service, DO NOT tell her, even if it comes up in conversation. She will belittle you and tell you how she has never felt so in need of a relationship to go looking for one on the computer.

She will tell you that she needs to have more degrees than her father, that’s why she is doing chem. Eng.

She can count cards, even up to 8 decks, but doesn’t believe in gambling.

She read the DaVinci Code in three hrs. Just accept it.

She tells you it takes her six months to feel attracted to someone (dumb ass book strikes again) so don't touch her. You might as well open the door while the car is rolling and give her a swift push.

There will be not one thank you at all, even if you paid for everything. You should be thanking her.

She will tell you your driving makes her sick, even though you’re only going a few blocks, and demand you slow down before she throws up in your car. Too late!

She will tell you at the end of the night she had a good time, and that you should catch up sometime again, and will actually call you.

I'll lay odds he marries her.

The Lehigh Valley's First Conservative Blog

This is a week of firsts for the blogosphere. Just yesterday, I told you about the Lehigh Valley's first Latino blog, South Side Script. And now the Lehigh Valley has its first conservative blog, Right from Lehigh Valley.

Many of you must be shocked. Conservatives rely on talk radio and Fox news as their source for all information because they can't read or write. But Julian Stolz must be an exception. He does a nice job. His focus is Emmaus, an area that could definitely use attention. But today he tells us Congressman Dent may face a challenge from the right because he supports hate crime legislation and is pro life.

It's nice to know local Dems don't have a lock on insanity.

Correction: Dent is pro choice. I apologize for the error and thank Bernie K for pointing it out.

Northampton County Council Investgating Wrong Office

At last Thursday's council meeting, Lamont McClure announced his law and order committee will soon investigate the embezzlement of at least $83,000 in bail money by a former deputy clerk. Her office has not been fully audited since 1992.

Although this matter is being investigated by both the District Attorney and Auditor General, McClure wants to play detective, too. He even wants to hire a "forensic accountant" to tell us what we already know - a five year theft was possible because county officials were asleep at the switch.

So why the big "investigation"? Elementary, my dear bippy. Its purpose is to cast the Eye of Mordor in the direction of Controller John T. Schimmel, a Republican whose term expires next year. Blame for the $83,000 theft will be laid at his doorstep. Schimmel can expect a Democratic opponent should he choose to seek reelection. McClure's investigation is designed to stoke the flames from time to time.

Voter registration is one office where a complete investigation is really needed. Touch screen machines froze. Elections officials failed to inform voters who weren't on poll books about provisional ballots. Elections workers with questions would call the office but the phone would just ring and ring. Voting machines were not evenly divided among precincts. The ballot was designed to encourage straight party voting. Votes were not tallied until the next morning. And the large discrepancy between unofficial and official results, both with the congressional and other races, is inconsistent with Lehigh County, where there was little difference. The employees in these offices are dedicated and hard-working, but they could use a little help.

Councilman John Cusick noted some of these problems last Thursday, but county officials seem reluctant to take a hard look at an office designed to protect our most important right. It might interfere with the witchhunt.

The Lehigh Valley's New Love Muffin

Late last week, Naked Lehigh County Blogger released her "top ten" list of the Lehigh Valley's sexiest bloggers. She admits the "list is pretty pitiful, but remember, it consists mostly of men who spend way too much time on their computers, so personal hygiene might not be their highest priority."

Well, of course, she had to rate her husband as her number one guy. But guess who's Number 2?

Moi!

That's right, bippy, I'm a hunka hunka burnin' love! If there's any doubt in your mind, these are the sensual words Naked Lehigh County Blogger uses to describe me. "One of my favorite foils. Yes, he is a mean old ornery goat, but I'm sure there is a soulmate out there for him somewhere, perhaps in a Russian bride catalogue. The picture he puts up of his physical injuries do induce feelings of pity....NOT!!! All I can say is, Damn, that is one big SCHNOZZ!! Jimmy Durante would be jealous!"

I've been called number two daily now for many years, so this is no surprise to me. I've promised LVDem I'd be nice to him for a few days, so I won't tell you he didn't even make the cut.

And I don't have to look through a catalogue. I've already have an offer from the beautiful woman whose picture is attached to this post.

Lehigh Valley's Blogosphere Continues its Expansion

The Lehigh Valley blogosphere keeps growing and growing. Two more blogs have appeared on the scene. Look Out Lehigh Valley is community-focused blog aimed at "the young, forward thinking, awesome residents of the area in the hopes that we begin to come together and engage each other." Looks like I'm out! No room for miserable old bastards there.

But another new blog is right up my alley. LVCurmudgeon is a nasty old fart whose latest complains about the new Playstation 3 and the couch potatoes who "line up like spuds in a field to find something else to keep them isolated, unsociable and ignorant." You said it, bippy! If they want to be isolated, unsociable and ignorant, they could blog!

Say Hola to South Side Script, the Lehigh Valley's First Latino Blog

It's finally happened. We're going to be hearing a different perspective, that of a young professional from south side Bethlehem "who happens to be Puerto Rican." Say Hola to South Side Script, the Lehigh Valley's newest blog.

I remember the first time I realized that not everyone eats rice and beans 90% of the week, I was in high school.

I remember the feeling I had when people looked at me funny in stores outside my neighborhood, or when I was followed and watched, although I was never into shoplifting. I remember the feeling of anger as I waited for at least a half an hour at the perfume counter to buy my Greek girlfriend a bottle of Escape. I remember hiding in the car every time we dropped that same girlfriend off at her house. I remember being instructed by my next girlfriend to say my name was Bob if her Shakespeare Road parents ever answered the phone.

NorCo's Thursday Night at the Fights: Dertinger and Angle

"I won Northampton County, you know. I won Northampton County."

"Then why aren't you a Congressman?"

This is just a small part of the exchange between councilmen Charles Dertinger and Ron Angle following Thursday night's council meeting. They had sparred earlier over who gets credit for an ordinance adopted months ago. I thought their little tiff was over. I thought wrong.

At the end of Thursday's lengthy meeting, Express Times reporter extraordinare Sarah Cassi beelined right to Dertinger, and began asking questions. Unlike most public figures, Angle is drawn to the press like a moth to the flame. It was only a matter of moments before Angle and Dertinger were together.

Now I don't know exactly what Ron said or how he said it because I was in the peanut gallery, but Dertinger exploded. He launched an obscenity laced tirade as Angle tried to leave council chambers. He cornered the more diminutive Angle, pointing fingers in his face, getting closer, louder and redder. Deputy sheriffs were nowhere in sight. Council members were practically running out of the room, pretending not to notice what was going on. Lamont McClure gave me a little smile, and ran.

Thanks a lot! So much for his frickin' Code of Civility!

"I beat you Angle. And I can beat you again."

"Get out of my personal space. You're in my personal space."

I kept trying to put myself between the two, but only succeeded momentarily. It was a silly exchange, the kind of thing that might happen in grade school recess. I was beginning to think Dertinger would deck Angle when the lava flow suddenly stopped.

At this point, Angle turned to me and smiled, "Hey Bernie, I think I'll ask Charles to join us at Tic Toc Diner."

Now there is no doubt in my mind that Angle instigated whatever happened. And Dertinger is just coming off a congressional loss. But frankly, Dertinger demonstrated he is a not ready for prime time player. First, he lost control and let Angle get to him. Second, he acted like a schoolyard bully. Third, he was petty. This was no passionate argument over Iraq or our economy, but was instead over who is more wonderful. Did Angle behave badly? You bet, but he never claimed he belonged in congress. Last, Dertinger is wrong. He lost Northampton County, his home township, and even his own precinct.

Contrary to Popular Belief, Dertinger Lost in Northampton County

Northampton County's unofficial results show Charles Dertinger as a 127 vote winner in his congressional race against incumbent Charlie Dent.

Northampton County released their final results on Friday. Contrary to popular opinion, Dent actually won Northampton County by over 3,000 votes. And although Democrats have seized control of congress with a net gain of at least twenty-nine seats, Dertinger lost his home township and even his own precinct.

Last time the House changed control was in 1994, when Newt Gingrich and his Contract with America promised all sorts of reform. In that election, Democrat Paul McHale escaped with a 471 vote margin of victory. Now the tide has turned and Democrats are screaming for reform. Dent is swimming upstream. Yet, unlike Paul McHale, he still achieved a near 20,000 vote margin of victory. This is certainly no landslide, but the race was never so close as originally believed.

Anyone who minimizes Dent's ability to draw votes is making a mistake. To beat him, Democrats are going to have to produce a serious candidate, like someone who just drew 72% of the votes in her race for state senate.