My Weight Loss Goal

A friend - yes I do have friends - is a fitness fanatic. Like me, he's a former Chippendale. He has been encouraging me for years to make more healthy choices.

I have always found it relatively easy to lose weight, once I get started. I have never been successful in keeping it off. My weight just goes up and down like a yo yo, which is more unhealthy than just being fat.

Anyway, he texted me most recently to ask, in cell phone language, "what's ur goal?"

I plan to become invisible.

Two things persuaded me to start again. First, fellow fat man Frank Pintabone challenged me. Second, and the big reason, is Suki.

Suki is a girl but she's not human. She's my grandson's dog, although she thinks she's human.

I watched her for a few days over the summer. When I have her, she knows she is going to go for lots of walks. But this past summer, I could only go about ten minutes before having to sit down. At one point, she turned and looked at me with utter disgust.

"How could you let yourself go, you fat fuck?" she said to me in dog language.

She refused to eat anything I got her, in protest over my inability to keep up with her.

"I bet you feel a lot better!" is what people say to me now.

I do when I'm done exercising for the day.

I am still unable to walk or run as I used to do all the time. I am fine for a few weeks, and then sciatica grounds me. But the arc trainer at the gym is great. Aside from having a sore ass, I am doing alright. But I miss being outside. Whether it's hot or cold, I love being outdoors. In the gym, you have to contend with people who insist in slamming weights so everyone knows how strong they are, as well as some people who are really loud.

The other day, some woman was literally shouting and yelling the entire time I spent exercising. All five minutes. It was so annoying that, when I was done, I decided to track her down and let her know that all I want from her is silence, and damn little of that.

I found her pretty easily, as you might imagine, and then realized she is mentally challenged.

I'm an asshole.

So as I said, my goal is to disappear.