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Thursday, November 19, 2015

Photograhed by the Coroner

He must have photoshopped my stomach. 
This all started a few years ago, when Northampton County Coroner Zach Lysek gave Council a pretty graphic description of his typical day.

"It doesn't matter how good looking a person is, we all stink," he observed, in the middle of a discussion about blood spatters and how bodies decompose.

Thank you, thank you, I thought, as I ran to the can.

After a few dry heaves, I walked back in.

"Tell 'em what you do with the bodies," prompted then Executive John Stoffa.

Lysek then started talking about gross tissue samples and some 16-slice scanning machine that sounds like something you'd see in a zombie deli. When he started talking about getting sprayed by dead bodies, I was out the door permanently.

Ever since that day, whenever Lysek sees me, he asks, "Are you feeling alright?"

"You sure?"

Last night was no exception at Council Committee meetings. I have no idea why he was even there, but he kept smiling at me.

After the shouting was over, I turned around and he was right behind me!

"Are you alright?"

Then he asked if he could take my picture. He knows how to use a camera and must have had lots of practice, but I had to lie down.
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9 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 19, 2015 at 12:05 AM

    At least you didn't get to wear those pretty toe-tags.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Captain AhabNovember 19, 2015 at 12:11 AM

    Whosoever of ye raises me a white-headed whale with a wrinkled brow and a crooked jaw; whosoever of ye raises me that white-headed whale, with three holes punctured in his starboard fluke- look you, whosoever of ye raises me that same white whale, he shall have this gold ounce, my boys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bernie O'HareNovember 19, 2015 at 12:15 AM

    The camera adds 10 pounds and I had four of them for lunch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousNovember 19, 2015 at 7:35 AM

    Why would You even waste Your time on Zach, he is as crooked as they come if it werent for the politics and the favors H e has done He would been gone a long time ago.....

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bernie O'HareNovember 19, 2015 at 7:52 AM

    I happen to like Zach very much and consider him a very honorable man. He also has a sense of humor, something that must have been surgically removed from you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousNovember 19, 2015 at 10:01 AM

    Good thing he didn't need to do a chalk outline.

    He would have busted the budget on a rush order from the White Cliffs of Dover.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousNovember 19, 2015 at 2:52 PM

    Bernie,
    now that was the shit that makes gut buying belly laughs¿!($ A toetag and some chalk would have added to this article of humor, the personal touch of the belly seen was the best though¿!($
    The person making statements of a corrupt coronor must be one a little left of the hemrod inside the spincter epicenter pussie boil cist in the cistern of the nation¿!($
    This is second to the cistern of the world¿!($
    Shit come to think of it even embalming does not take care of the ugliness in the soul, paint that any colur you will with the flipp flopp¿!($
    redd
    patent pending

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bernie O'HareNovember 19, 2015 at 10:38 PM

    "Good thing he didn't need to do a chalk outline.

    He would have busted the budget on a rush order from the White Cliffs of Dover."

    Bastard!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousNovember 20, 2015 at 6:44 PM

    I just had to take another gander of that pic¿!($ Still laughing and can't stop waitin for opoinions to post¿!$
    redd
    patent pending

    ReplyDelete

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