Along Came Jones

In February, I told you about the shitstorm that erupted in Upper Mount Bethel when Bangor School Director Toni Lynch pranced into the Mount Bethel Diner and began showing off his new cellphone, which he had programmed to play Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyres." He insisted on playing it in front of local bastard Mark Thatcher, who warned Lynch the Valkyres would soon be riding right into the toilet if he didn't knock it off. Lynch refused to let up, so Thatcher grabbed the cellphone, marched off to the can and drowned the Valkyries. 

Kerplunk!

The second Ron Angle heard something go into the toilet, he went flying in there himself. There might be sludge. He considers that black gold, even with the occasional piece of corn. Angle had some buddies fish the phone out and tried to dry it out in a bowl of rice. But the Valkyries would sing no more. They had gone on their last great ride.

Furious, Lynch marched off to the state police, who promptly charged Thatcher with murdering Lynch's cell phone.

Despite Angle's offer to speak in Thatcher's defense, he wisely pleaded guilty.

Story over, right?

Wrong.

Yesterday, Lynch walked into the Mount Bethel Diner with his new cell phone. He had programmed this one to play, "Along Came Jones", and insisted on playing it repeatedly to fellow School Director Dennis Jones.

Jones apparently hates those damn cell phone songs as much as Thatcher. He grabbed the phone out of Lynch's hand, and threw it against the wall.

There goes Jones.

With the phone shattered in pieces, Angle tells me he's bringing duct tape into the diner tomorrow to fix the phone for Lynch.