I'm A Broadcast Journalist, Damn It!

Before yesterday's Kim Velez ballot access hearing in Lehigh County, I screwed up quite a bit. First, I went to the Government Center, completely forgetting that there's no courtroom there. Almost as soon as I made it through the metal detector,  I was on my way out. I went through a second metal detector at the courthouse, only to learn that the hearing was at the old courthouse. I finally made it and was sitting inside a beautiful, ornate courtroom for a good ten minutes, marveling at the architecture, until I realized I couldn't hear a damn word anyone was saying. So when I saw The Morning Call's Emily Opilo sneak into the jury box, I followed suit. That's when the real trouble began.

A well-dressed tipstaff approached to tell me to take a hike.

"But I'm a an award-winning broadcast journalist," I lied.

He seemed to know he was dealing with a bottom-feeding blogger because we look a lot like the guys who regularly appear in front of judges, usually in shackles.

"Where are your credentials?" he demanded.

"I left them in the car," I lied.

I tried telling him that I'm an award-winning broadcast journalist, but he was getting ready to nail me with a cattle prod when Judge Michelle Varricchio walked into the courtroom.

He was so busy arguing with me, he forgot the "All rise" chant and "God save the King" and all that crap.

Then, before she heard any cases, this dude went over to the judge and tattled on me. She cast a disgusted look in my direction, but decided for whatever reason not to press my non-pressiness.

I had credentials made after the hearing. Let's see that bastard try to kick me out now.