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Sunday, May 29, 2011

God Punishes Nazareth Moravians

Last week, the Fake Rev tells us God killed 139 Joplin residents because He was pissed at Obama. Now He's venting His Divine Wrath on Nazareth's Moravian Church. Churchgoers were greeted this morning with five feet of water in the church basement after a water main burst.

I don't have a TV like the Fake Rev, so I called God on his iPhone. Sure enough, He's in a Holy Lather because this week's sugarcake wasn't sweet enough. "It was too bland," He said. "If I wanted a Hostess twinkie, "I could just go to a 7-11."

Asked whether He might be over-reacting, the Omnipotent One snarled, "Over-reacting? This is is My Day after six days of bailing your asses out every frickin' minute. You think I could have one good cup of Joe and one half-decent Moravian sugarcake. They're lucky I didn't send a lightning bolt up their ass."

"So I guess you did whip up those tornadoes in Joplin?" I asked.

"What do you think I am, cRaZy? Only wackadoodles would think something stupid like that. Are you going to be all day? I'm teeing off with Moses in 15."

I let Him go.
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17 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 12:45 PM

    Liar. Everyone knows God uses a droid. Open architecture.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 1:39 PM

    leave it go.. it's now getting sickening with the fake rev bs. move onto something interesting...

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    I'm sure the Fake Rev will find a way to involve the Jews.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bernie O'HareMay 29, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    "leave it go.."

    It's 'let it go,' not 'leave it go.'

    Don't piss off Jesus with your poor grammar.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    You are way off base Bernie. You missed the point completely. Didn't you listen to what your teabagger friend the teacher- pension taking Chris, told County Council. Before the primary he was before County Council explaining why they should dump seniors. He stated that they should not feel guilty about abandoning the Moravian mission when creating Gracedale. As he stated the Moravians were a bunch of Communists.

    So that is why God is pissed. He just hates those damn Communists. Almost as much as He despises teabaggers.

    Why do you think they lost the election.

    Gods Right Hand Man!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. hoochi coochi mommaMay 29, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    BO,

    ur 1 sick sob but ur funny. however, i m disappointed u didn't blame this on callahan,barren or union goons.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 10:15 PM

    fake rev took his post down. poof. nutzo.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bernie O'HareMay 29, 2011 at 10:25 PM

    Yeah, I noticed. I guess he got tired of being told he's off his rocker.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    Let it go, and i also find it hard to believe u do not have a television. Speaking of religion, what ever happen to the pedophile Andretti was supporting?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Bernie O'HareMay 29, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    Oh, I have a television, but do not watch TV, which I find to be mostly mindless. So I can't have any conversations with Jesus there.

    As for the priest who knows Andretti, what does that have to do with anything? It is just an attempt by some nimwit to deflect attention away from an obvious nutcase who thinks Jesus sends tornadoes to kill innocent people bc he's pissed at Obama.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 10:41 PM

    God doesn't like Moravians because they wouldn't let him buy a house on Market St.!

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 10:52 PM

    It is ashamed you don't have anything better to do with your time. Why don't you go volunteer your time helping out at a local hospital or nursing home. Do some good with your time instead of this garbage.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 11:00 PM

    If God didnt want us to masterbate He wouldnt have given us a hand.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousMay 29, 2011 at 11:03 PM

    Another useless post BO. Must be a slow news day.

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousMay 30, 2011 at 8:48 AM

    Strange, I talked to God all the time. When I asked about this phone call of your's, he said he didn't know who Bernie O'Hare was, and even confirmed it in his Big Book. Well good news is, he said there is still time to change this. God Bless You.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Bernie O'HareMay 30, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    There 'ya go. No humor + conversations with God + "Big Book" = Fake Rev

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ayn RandMay 31, 2011 at 3:10 PM

    God's illiterate right hand man
    Jamestown, Plymouth, and Bethlehem started out as communal communities. No one owned property. Common treasuries were created that did not earn interest. The Moravians were a initially a closed community. All three communities gave up their communal, communist or socialist, ways, divided up the land, allowed folks to make money and hence prospered.
    Did the Moravian Church step forward during any of this and tell you they still believed in what they had done pertainig to the ALMS HOUSE now known as Gracedale?

    ReplyDelete

You own views are appreciated, especially if they differ from mine. But remember, commenting is a privilege, not a right. I will delete personal attacks or off-topic remarks at my discretion. Comments that play into the tribalism that has consumed this nation will be declined. So will comments alleging voter fraud unless backed up by concrete evidence. If you attack someone personally, I expect you to identify yourself. I will delete criticisms of my comment policy, vulgarities, cut-and-paste jobs from other sources and any suggestion of violence towards anyone. I will also delete sweeping generalizations about mainstream parties or ideologies, i.e. identity politics. My decisions on these matters are made on a case by case basis, and may be affected by my mood that day, my access to the blog at the time the comment was made or other information that isn’t readily apparent.