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Friday, January 09, 2009

Hidden Time Capsule Discovered at Lehigh County Courthouse

While smashing walls and slinging sledge hammers during $65 million renovations at the Lehigh County Courthouse, construction workers have stumbled on a 45 year-old time capsule. The size of a microwave, it's a copper box that was hidden behind the date stone.

Informed of the discovery, Lehigh County Executive Don Cunningham is very excited. "I'll bet it's full of gold," claims Cunningham, who plans to crack the time capsule open during a news conference on Monday, 2:30 P.M., at the newly completed Sheriff’s Office on the second floor of Lehigh County Courthouse, 455 W. Hamilton St., Allentown, Pa 18101. He's already predicting this found money will negate county tax increases for the next hundred years. "What can I say? I'm lucky."

"If I find baby shoes or stupid postcards, I'm gonna' be pissed. This better not turn out like Al Capone's vault. I'm running for Governor, damn it!"

What's in it?

Aside from the gold and diamonds, rumors are that it contains these little treasures: the only known photograph of Judge Coyne smiling (he had just sentenced a Northampton County lawyer to death); an old copy of something called an afternoon newspaper; an actual sports trophy awarded to William Allen High School; the crown jewels of Emma Tropiano; an old A&B cockroach about six inches long; former Mayor Afflerbach's brain; and finally, the remains of Allentown's last known Republican.
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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 4:08 AM

    it actually complains just a simple crystal tube, placed there by cunningham's true father, jor-el. in it is the data cunningham needs so he can fully understand his true identity.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bernie O'HareJanuary 9, 2009 at 8:59 AM

    So Don is actually Superman! I always thought Onorato looked a little like Lex Luther.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 1:40 PM

    sounds like Jeraldo Rivera and Al Capone's vault...good enough for a 2 hour prime time TV Special!! :):)

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:55 PM

    What a crushing disappointment it shall be when the Horlacher is found to have been consumed. Someone check Big Ed's breath.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bernie O'HareJanuary 9, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    I like that one. A bottle of Horlacher.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 9:43 PM

    Annon 2:55 IS A PERSONNAL attack without poof. I demand that you delete it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Bernie O'HareJanuary 9, 2009 at 9:45 PM

    Dude, lighten up.

    ReplyDelete

You own views are appreciated, especially if they differ from mine. But remember, commenting is a privilege, not a right. I will delete personal attacks or off-topic remarks at my discretion. Comments that play into the tribalism that has consumed this nation will be declined. So will comments alleging voter fraud unless backed up by concrete evidence. If you attack someone personally, I expect you to identify yourself. I will delete criticisms of my comment policy, vulgarities, cut-and-paste jobs from other sources and any suggestion of violence towards anyone. I will also delete sweeping generalizations about mainstream parties or ideologies, i.e. identity politics. My decisions on these matters are made on a case by case basis, and may be affected by my mood that day, my access to the blog at the time the comment was made or other information that isn’t readily apparent.