Super Shrink: I Have a Master's Degree!

Northampton County Council, on Thursday night, adopted a no-tax-hike budget. There was some disagreement about amendments and the capital plan, but the budget itself was adopted unanimously. The numerous budget hearings preceding this vote were trying, but it all paid off when the budget itself was adopted in a little over an hour. This is a first for me as a county observer who remembers meetings that went until 1 am. After this amazing feat, you'd think Council would want to pack it in for the night. But you are not an "outstanding elected official," like Lori Vargo Heffner and Tara Zrinski both think they are. They have the major awards and everything. Thanks to these newbies, who have yet to serve a year in office, the meeting droned on another hour over nonsense.

Let's start with Super Shrink, Lori Vargo Heffner. She has a  master's degree, you know. She's basically a counselor in Jersey for people with issues, whether it's drugs, depression or whatever. She has an MA, LPC, EdM and LCADC. The EdM is something everyone who wants to get a teacher's certificate eventually needs to get. The MA is for counseling psychology. The other crap just means she has a license. ... In Jersey.

She's hardly what I'd call an expert on anything. Let me explain why. I remember my dad once went to a very highly recommended "counselor" with a pocketful of degrees. This guy was going to cure my father of smoking three packs of Pall Malls every day. Part of this expert's repertoire was hypnosis, which fascinated me.

In three sessions at $350 a pop, my father would become a nonsmoker. My father dutifully went and paid this guy the money. He was very happy that he was finally doing the right thing.

At the end of just three sessions, my dad had the hypnotist smoking. ... Pall Malls.

I am somewhat amazed at the negative and sometimes hostile tone Heffner takes with people. Not long after she was elected, I saw that hostility directed at Dr. Brooke Tesche, who had been nominated to NorCo's Drug and Alcohol Advisory Council. This is a volunteer board. Heffner hinted that Dr. Tesche, a Deputy Superintendent with the Diocese of Allentown, might use her role to recruit students to a new Catholic high school for children who are drug or alcohol dependent. She even hinted that Dr. Tesche might be lining her pockets.

Last time I checked, Catholic schools only recruit athletes.

Heffner raised enough of a stink that Dr. Tesche's nomination was killed.

Perhaps you think that Heffner was concerned about the separation of church and state. Nope. Heffner was the biggest cheerleader on Council for a $20,000 church steeple grant, described by congregants at a public hearing as a "beacon of hope and faith." You can't get much more religious than that. Heffner, who was on the selection committee, tried all kinds of arguments. She tried arguing that hotel taxes aren't really public funds. She even argued that denying this grant would be discrimination. Fortunately, the grant was tabled, and since only Council can approve these grants, the money will remain in "future grants."

In addition to being hostile to people, she's awfully picayune. Get this. She actually objected to the minutes of a General Purpose Authority because the references to her hyphenated her name.

A few weeks ago, Super Shrink was incensed when Court Administrator Jermaine Greene proposed promoting the Assistant Director of Treatment at the Juvenile Justice Center to Director of Treatment. She conveniently waited until Greene was out the door and then claimed this position is illegal because the person in it is not qualified like she is. The matter was tabled. When Greene asked what the hell was going on, she responded with a memo containing three questions. He answered them. She continued with two more.

Greene came to Thursday night's meeting and brought Dr. Robert Gill, an MD, and Dr. Susan Krause, who has more than a Master's degree, with him. In addition to those two, there are two other doctoral level interns who assess juveniles in treatment. This saves the county money. It also enables the treatment to take place here, instead of center state. The recidivism rate for sex offenders is six per cent.

That wasn't good enough for Super Shrink, MA, LPC, EdM and LCADC. She wanted an overview of treatment and detention. Then she wanted the two doctors "to walk her through treatment," something she could have done had she ever visited the place like Greene suggested.

"I think I can do a clinical assessment and overview without having to put in 12 hours," she huffed. .

I'm a clinician myself," she later said.

And so the psychobabble went, back and forth:

SuperShrink: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

The other shrinks: "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Super Shrink said, "I don't want to get picayune at this point at 8 pm on a Thursday night."

Too late

Now Jermaine Greene has to redraft his resolution and brink it back to the next Council meeting. But Super Shrink should only be a small part of the story. Eco Warrior Tara Zrinski has had the last straw. She has summoned her social justice warriors to descend upon the next Council meeting en masse to demand an end to plastic straws and bags in Northampton County. Never mind the myriad of other issues facing local government, from homelessness to recidivism to fair wages for county workers. This is one sanctioned perjurer on the warpath. What's silly about her recommended ban is that she expects municipalities in the county to use it to adopt real bans.

I will bring you the Eco Warrior and Plastic Straws tomorrow.