She got stuck in an elevator.
With me.
I had pressed the button for the third floor and nothing happened. I tried pressing all kinds of other buttons and they failed, too. Then I pressed one with a firefighter hat. Some alarm sounded. .
She screamed and jumped about 15' in the air.
After settling down, she decided to press the door open button and it worked. We had never moved. We both got out and onto the next elevator.
As I waited for the Council meeting to start, I could hear her in the back room, discussing her adventure. Ken Kraft came out and accused me of assaulting her.
What Kraft did not know is this is my week for men. So I molested him on the way down after the meeting.
God Bless thus poor, young woman. It must have been traumatic for her. Hopefully you didn't fart!
ReplyDeleteNot loudly.
ReplyDeleteMolestation jokes are always a riot. Great post.
ReplyDeleteIs she into you?
ReplyDeleteSexual assault and molestation jokes are not funny.
ReplyDeleteWe all knew this was going to be written about but I find the casual accusations and banter about sexual assault appalling! I am a survivor but, it never crossed my mind that Bernie would assault me. My greater fear was that I would miss the council meeting and be stuck in an elevator with Bernie making polite banter.
ReplyDeleteI assume the above comment was penned by Zrinski. I stand by what I wrote. I did assault Ken Kraft.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am not going to give any Council:l member some special treatment bc of his or her sex. I will abuse both equally. To those Pretending to be offended, you are phonies.
ReplyDeleteIt's a sad thing, because in reality the whole story is true, guys you can do a whole lot better,
ReplyDeletenot funny bernie
ReplyDeleteLet me respond to this feigned outrage with a copy of an email I just sent to someone:
ReplyDelete“Let me be blunt. There was nothing offensive in my post. Nothing. And I refuse to allow you are anyone to dictate what or how I write. I am not a member of Lehigh Valley For All (except those who disagree with me). And I am not going to be swayed by elitism or what is politically correct. There was nothing in my post that makes light of either sex. It was a poke at myself and Ken Kraft, who is the only one with a right to complain.
“You diminish the #metoo movement and yourself when you begin to take yourself so seriously.”
If she really is an eco-warrior, why didn't she take the stairs?
ReplyDeleteBernie Kraft has largehands, when he exacts revenge I hope you are under anesthesia!
ReplyDeleteBernie, if you molested them both with your silent fart all the asskloWnz are in for a wopper when you break Mr hide hoe from his 55gal drum!
ReplyDeleteThis is the funniest damn post I’ve read in a while
ReplyDeleteWe’re not supposed to joke about anything anymore. The PC censors are here.
ReplyDeleteAnd I din’t Think this post is really all that funny. Amusing, yes. The comments make it funny.
ReplyDeleteAll kidding aside, Ken Kraft is a very attractive individual. There's always truth behind joshing. No offense to anyone named Josh.
ReplyDeleteOmg Tara is that Al Gore Democrat "Do is I say not as I do" Al gore don't waste fossil fuel but flies everywhere in private jets and in big limousines, Tara save electric and energy, but instead of walking up steps she rides the elevator.
ReplyDeleteI think someone can be an environmentalist and still take elevators.
ReplyDeleteThe greater the man,the less is he opinionative.
ReplyDeleteNapoleon Bonaparte
Military leader and emperor
Isn’t that an opinion?
ReplyDeleteYou did nothing wrong. Some people are unable to laugh about life, without going into a long life story. We have all had our issues, the key is to move on. Humor, dark or otherwise is the key to human salvation. some people take themselves far too seriously. You should have let a loud and wet one rip through the elevator shaft, resulting in an emergency evacuation of the building. Your powerful man musk would have melted her heart as well as her face.
ReplyDeleteThe Posterior Oracle!
Between Bernie's days as an altar boy and time in the Army Bearracks surely the O-Rings are fully blown out, his flatulence likely sounds the same as a Clydesdale. Poor Tara probably thought he shat himself.
ReplyDeleteMake fun of abused women but make sure jokes about you do not see the light of day. That is called coward!
ReplyDeleteYou claim people are too up tight and sensitive too humor. Why do you delete great jokes about you and the Mediterranean manslab?? You eviscerate others like Ms. Zirinski and LV for all but you delete any jokes that offend your sensitive sensibilities.
So much for being able to laugh at oneself. Physician heal thyself!!!
Laughter and a sense of humor have helped to get me through some of my darkest times.
ReplyDeleteI heard about this. What is the big deal? I know both Tara and Bernie. They are both adults. They are both single. What they do is their business. People should just butt out!
ReplyDeleteI don't think Tara would appreciate your insinuation, but I'll admit to an affair with anyone.
ReplyDeleteTara Zrinski captures her farts for sequestration in a deep well dug using fairly compensated laborers armed with only hand tools and draught animals.
ReplyDeleteZrinski pulls the abuse card when it is to her advantage but supports criminals who have sexually assaulted women and children if they part of a democratic talking points and anti-police movement.
ReplyDelete