Today's one-liner: "The shortest way to the distinguishing excellence of any writer is through his hostile critics." Richard LeGallienne
Local Government TV
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
The Case of the Missing Pepper Shakers
What you see above is one of only two pepper shakers left. Originally, there had been numerous disposable salt and pepper shakers at every table. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the pepper shakers began disappearing. The salt shakers were ignored. More pepper shakers were purchased, but they began to vanish, too. Glass pepper shakers like the one you see were purchased, but those also started walking away.
Now when I get french fries, the first thing I do is load it up with hot pepper spices. Then I douse it with black pepper, too. I put pepper on everything. Sandwiches, soup, french fries, cereal, etc. So I began to notice the missing pepper shakers earlier than most.
I spoke to Donna and Joe, who run the Cafe. They confirmed what's been going on. Donna broke down as I interviewed her, and I recommended she visit the crime victim's advocate office.
There was only one thing to do. I have appointed myself Chief Pepper Shaker Investigator. CPSI to you. I also have named several Assistant Pepper Shaker Investigators. APSI to you. They're under cover. I am currently looking for tracking devices to install in several shakers. I have also interrogated several suspects, starting with me.
"Why do you like pepper so much?" I asked me.
"I've got rights, you know," I answered myself.
Left with little choice, I had to get rough with myself. I smacked me around a few times, but I wouldn't crack.
There are other suspects, too.
I waterboarded Steve Barron, but he liked it.
"Can you do that some more? I'm really getting in touch with myself," he pleaded.
You can often see me in a hallway, pretending to make small talk. I'm really looking for clues.
I was doing that last week with a Deputy Sheriff who really is one of my top suspects. A female courthouse employee approached me and asked, "Bernie, May I speak you you privately for a moment?"
"Of course!" I agreed, and moved down the hallway with her, so she could break this case wide open.
"Your zipper's open."
26 comments:
You own views are appreciated, especially if they differ from mine. But remember, commenting is a privilege, not a right. I will delete personal attacks or off-topic remarks at my discretion. Comments that play into the tribalism that has consumed this nation will be declined. So will comments alleging voter fraud unless backed up by concrete evidence. If you attack someone personally, I expect you to identify yourself. I will delete criticisms of my comment policy, vulgarities, cut-and-paste jobs from other sources and any suggestion of violence towards anyone. I will also delete sweeping generalizations about mainstream parties or ideologies, i.e. identity politics. My decisions on these matters are made on a case by case basis, and may be affected by my mood that day, my access to the blog at the time the comment was made or other information that isn’t readily apparent.
You have to be kidding re. the cafeteria at the courthouse. Frankly speaking - it's a dump!!! I recently was on jury duty and could not believe the poor quality of the food and the high cost for what you were getting. The first day I made a salad and took a bottled soda -- cost was almost $7.00. The staff never filled the condiments for the salad bar so if you were late coming for lunch (like 12:30 PM) there were meager choices. Some entrepreneur could make a bundle if they open a quality restaurant in the vicinity of the courthouse. All the jurors I spoke with felt the same and one individual even brown bagged it the second day.
ReplyDeleteYou need to talk to “DR PEPPER aka, Attorney Richard Pepper...... he knows...... I’m telling you..... he KNOWS!
ReplyDeleteDr. Richard Pepper and Salt Peter Cochran. You gotta be shittin me.
ReplyDeleteAlone, down a hallway, with a female court employee and your zipper is open? I've watched enough "Law and Order:SVU", to know that's not a good scenario.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm, institutional food!
ReplyDeleteOrder a salad if you are visiting the Nazareth pool this weekend. You are good with fries if you having a weekend at Bernies !
ReplyDelete6:41, You must have brought a wheelbarrow for that $7 salad. Frankly, I think you have made up this story and feel sorry for whomever you were judging.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteSign your name so we know who to sue
ReplyDeleteBernie reading this I am concerned the devil is running your body
ReplyDeleteThe idiot who slammed the cafeteria has no idea about it's operation. Donna is a sweet person who suffered a great loss when her husband and co-owner/chef passed on. The courthouse is lucky to have someone half as caring as her. What does Lehigh County have? A bunch of vending machines. This is not a huge money making business. Norco is lucky to have this service.
ReplyDeleteYep. That person is a moron. I question whether the comment is really aimed at me bc I said nice things about the cafe and a few trolls pretty much hate whatever I like. Ironically, there are restaurants all over, including an Italian eatery right across the street. So far as I know, it's a good place to eat, but does not have the customers that the courthouse cafe has. I love the dining room as well, and wish it could open up to an enclosed patio outside. It is the most cheerful and brightest room in the courthouse.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! When I worked there, I would go across the street for a hoagie or a couple of slices. But the courthouse cafe had great breakfast sandwiches, soup, and grilled sandwiches for lunch. We were lucky to have a cafe in-house, especially during inclement weather. Anyone who criticizes that operation is a dumb shit.
ReplyDeleteThe food isn't that good. You don't sue people for an opinion, unless you want to make a judge laugh assclown. This isn't supposed to be about who loves or pities whom but rather the actual business. Unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteActually, the food is that good. The comment I deleted was defamatory, not opinion. My guess is that your "opinion" is directly related to mine. And as someone who lies frequently, you lied and claimed to be a juror when in fact you were in that cafeteria because you yourself have been sued, and for defamation.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteMy suspicion was correct. The restaurant hater actually hates me.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI put pepper on my Yeagling Beer like my ansester coal miners on my moms side .And my pop corn . This is the accused baby killer in an other part of your blog. This adolescent ,basement half man , says I’m a baby killer. Far from the truth. I have by actions during the Vietnam conflict most likely attributed to the the death of many building bombs , but here I would protect your mother in a parking lot at Walmart ,I have been in Burning buildings and had my first save Cardio Vasular , issue in 1976 - so ! What do you got ? I would not ever let anybody beat up a child in my presents. ——The Americal Division during Vietnam got a bad rap . I was in the Marine Corps
ReplyDeleteAnon 9:48 you are a nob9dy and will never be so unless you come after me .
ReplyDeletePeter, you and I disagree on many things, but I really do admire and respect you. You are a good man and have a good heart. And you still serve your country at all kinds of functions. I think you made a mistake the other day and told you so. But as I reflect on it, I think you just got caught up in words and failed to express yourself as clearly as you could. But I think so highly of you that I would trust you with my life.
ReplyDeleteI don’t blame you Bernie . It’s not you . I am an oath taker, and I will defend people that are for our preservation of or constitutional ideals. I have a tear in my eye about the forformer Mayor of Tatamy ,he has lost a grandson and a son in one month. The man is devastated . What I think the combative part of our society is about is ,preserving the way of life of Americans. Nothing else is of significance. But I along with many save your ass here Evan if you disagree with my ‘ personal’ views. I just wish we could be more non political and find solutions to problems. Meanwhile I will exercise my right to a LTCF and I do so ,I fact had lunch with federalJudge today and was carring an N frame S&W . It’s a tool and I exercise my tools at lease 30 hours a month. I’m not a baby killer.
ReplyDeleteLike no more kneeling in NFL ,that get paid by Americans and they live her in America - Phque them ,shin shoes ,you bastards ! People died on front you can’t pronowns for your liberty to object .
ReplyDeleteDonna is a WONDERFUL lady who works very hard! She always has a smile on her face and is kind to her customers and gets to know the employees who eat with her regularly very well. Even if she is having a bad day, I don’t think anyone would realize because she will still smile and interact with customers. Her food is great, made fresh and her staff is wonderful! They remember you and ask about how things are going when you’ve had a discussion about something going on in your personal life.
ReplyDeleteMo makes great soul and is always smiling, chatting and friendly no matter how busy. Joe remembers your preferences and never screws up an order (well he never did for me. I’ve never heard an employee complain about the courthouse cafĂ©. I get why a juror may not understand because they don’t get to make the connection her regulars do (except maybe those on a grand jury because they are there weekly for two years).
Someone should buy and deliver to her brand new salt and pepper shakers as an act of goodwill! There are plenty who work in the courthouse who can afford it! Maybe I will just send her a case so she has then on hand.
And remember folks, stealing is stealing whether it’s $1 or a million dollars!
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