Joseph Bleiler, known to his friends as Joey B, started using
heroin at age 13. The result of that lifestyle is revealed by headlines like
"Son
wielded knife, wrestled with mother, according to Roseto police chief"
"Roseto
mom purchased heroin in Easton with 17-year-old son in car, police say"
and "Joseph
Bleiler shops on another man's dime."
Joey B is a participant in Northampton
County's Drug Court, and was promoted to Phase 2 yesterday after writing and
reading this essay in open court to his ex-wife, heroin.
Dear Heroin,
Well old friend it's been a long time
since we last talked, I remember the last time we talked it was a rough day the
last time I saw you. You know you really destroyed a lot of my life. You took
my family from me, and you took my own life. It's because of you that my arms are
always cold. You're the reason my family turned their backs on me, because you
did this to me you ended up making me the evil person I did not want to be.
That would steal anything that wasn't tied down. You broke me spiritually,
emotionally and physically. You robbed me of my dignity and self-respect. You
took everything from me. You stole my family and you made all my friends hate
me and worst of all you took it all. I have nothing because of you, you made me
weak and broken. I definitely won't let it happen again. I loved you, and you
never gave me anything but a bad life because you drained me of everything I
ever had. I committed crimes because of your influence and tried to take my own
life. You left bruises on my arms. You made my life a living hell. I hated each
day that I had to wake up and see you robbing everyone I know just for me to
feel normal. I'll never give you that control again, because today I found a
better way. I found I don't need you make me feel sick. In fact, just the
thought of you makes my stomach turn. I lost it all for you, and I promise
you'll never get another thing from me as long as I live. I won't let you take
my life the way you did before because I'm stronger than you and I know you
don't like it. The pestering of me every day was the worst part. The last thing
I ever gave you was my freedom. You will never have anything of mine again. I
was lost in a dark room with you and I won't go back to that room. I have
nailed that door shut. left you. In the past all you wanted was to see me dead,
and give me a false sense of happiness. ...
I have broken those chains you shackled me
in. I have taken my life back, and I won't let you back in any matter how much
you beg. I will never give this life up. It is beyond my wildest dreams. I don’t
want to lie in bed with you anymore. That bed was cold, dark and filled with
nothing but pain. I never knew who I was until now, and I'll never give it up.
I want this forever.
You'll always be a distant memory of what
life was like. I will never give you another ounce of my being. You took so
much from my life, all the time I missed with my family, all the people who
came and went in my life because of you. You took so many of my friends’ lives,
but I won't let you take mine.
I remember the first time I met you, you
made me feel complete inside. You could do no wrong and everything was just
perfect. Then one day I woke up and thought I had the flu, turns out it was my
body just missing you. Once I got you back in my veins, where you belonged, all
my permanent problems were temporarily solved. Slowly but surely, you began to
destroy my life. My family and friends just didn't understand that I had taken
a vow and made you my wife. I loved you more than I loved my own mother for
some reason even I couldn't understand. There in my room I sat, with all my
possessions gone, my life gone, with just a mattress and a room. I gave you one
last shot and fell on my face, hoping that I wouldn't awake. Then someone
walked in my room and saved my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. Now
I have a clear understanding that what I did was not right.
I thought life was perfect, I thought it
was pure, but them the law caught up and I found a cure. On sheer willpower I
couldn't go alone. I remember the nights crying on a jailhouse phone, pleading
for forgiveness, asking for help. When I was released it was put on a shelf,
never to be thought of again till the day you robbed me of my only best friend.
Alone in my cell is where I sat, when I
got the news my mother had passed. I missed the last moments she had alive
because I wanted to be with you one very last time. That was the last time you
tried to take my life. After that day, you were no longer my wife. You took way
too much and it wasn't enough, so no longer will I be a shell just left to
wander and rust. Today I found a new way to live happy and free, so I'm closing
the door and tossing the key. This is the last time I speak to you.
Sincerely,
Joey Bleiler
That's a form letter they hand out in rehab facilities. He didn't write it.
ReplyDeleteOf course, its the Heroin's fault. Shows how everything is to blame or something and NO SELF RESPONSIBILITY!
ReplyDelete"NO SELF RESPONSIBILITY!"
ReplyDeleteJust like fat people..... the biggest drain on society.
Everyone is so quick to judge and shame individuals who suffer from the disease of addiction. Does anyone know this man and his life? Have you walked a mile in his shoes? While he writes this about his drug of choice from his past, we do not know what he has done outside of this letter to make amends for what he has done in his past. No one every looks at the positives. This man is clean and sober. He obviously is doing what he needs to do if he was promoted in this drug court program. The stigma around addiction is horrible. I know many individuals in recovery who are now productive tax paying citizens, college graduates, volunteers, etc. we need to stop judging people by their past. I hope that those with the negative comments live perfect lives and never have a family member that suffers. Addiction does not discriminate. No one wakes up one day and says "today I think i'll be come a heroin addict or an alcoholic". God bless this young man and his recovery. May he have the opportunity to continue on a path to a successful future.
ReplyDeleteI wish this young man all the best as he works to better his life and the lives of those around him.
ReplyDeleteBernie why don't you take Sherwood Grigg through the steps, all the way to the 13th!
ReplyDelete"That's a form letter they hand out in rehab facilities. He didn't write it."
ReplyDeleteFalse. I actually checked this out. It is unique.
"Just like fat people..... the biggest drain on society."
ReplyDeleteAt least we're big.
ReplyDelete"At least we're big"
That's not a good thing. But it does explain a lot.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1531487/The-greater-your-weight-the-lower-your-IQ-say-scientists.html
Then what does that say about you? A fat man you claim is stupid was able to beat your skinny ass. The topic here ks heroin addiction, not your hatred of me. A think hate lowers your IQ because you've done some amazingly stupid things.
ReplyDeleteI think the point of the letter is to acknowledge a lack of self control and admit that there are forces stronger than some people. The important thing is that he's in recovery. I pray he continues his fight for the rest of his life and I wish him the best.
ReplyDeletebasic rehab letter, he will be dead within 24 months
ReplyDeleteit is a form letter where you fill in portions to make it unique to your circumstances and the low life addict you are
ReplyDeleteThe above comment is completely false, and I know this from personal experience. It comes from a mentally ill woman who has no compassion for others. Take your meds.
ReplyDeleteAnd we wonder why people who struggle from the disease of addiction don't seek help and are ashamed to admit they have a problem. What a horrible thing for someone to say about someone they don't know. Your life must be sad to say such a disgusting thing about a person who is working heard to get his life on track. Disgusting. Thanks for posting this Bernie and highlighting this young man's journey. Keep doing what you are doing Joey. Many people are pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteanother pussy boy blaming all his brought on by himself problems on society. Gun him down for the betterment of us all
ReplyDeleteYou obviously have no reading comprehension skills, in addition to having no compassion. He didn't blame society. He blamed the drug and himself. As an alcoholic myself, that is precisely where he needs to begin, and his letter is both eloquent and unique.
ReplyDeletesaw an example of a phony trying to game the system, too. She had been kicked out of two halfway houses and was sent from Drug Court back to jail after she was caught huffing there. She is a beautiful young lady, and she read a letter, too. Completely different. She pretended to have a spiritual awakening, but no one is buying it.
Joey B may relapse, but is definitely sincere. His anonymous critic here won't sign her name bc she knows it is going to just cost her more money.
Just a tremendous amount of ignorance in these comments. Addiction impacts one in three families and factors that place people at higher risk include genetics, early like experimentation and trauma. Writing letters like this have been used as assignments in rehabs for people to think about their relationship with alcohol or other drugs, but I do not think this is a form letter. I do think we have a long way to go before we change public perception about substance use disorders. Opiate dependence typically starts with a doctors prescription, overdoses are the leading cause of death for young people in Pennsylvania and the leading cause of accidental death in America. It is also about as much about personal fault as diabetes and heart disease. Thanks for posting this Bernie, I am rooting for this young man.
ReplyDeleteBill, It was quite an eye opener to sit thru drug court. If someone is a messing up, he goes right back to jail. I saw that with several individuals in the jail who were brought over. Yhe focus seems to be on meetings (90 in 90), drug testing (twice a week), employment (Judge Dally pushes hard to get people to work, and there is help there for people out of a job), and housing (Drug and Alcohol helps there). It is actually very intense, and I hope it works.
ReplyDeleteYou can see the difference between people who are sincere and making an effort, and people who are still in trouble. In addition to the huffer I mentioned above, there was a guy in drug court who was charged by police with drinking. He tried to deny it, but eventually fessed up. I don't know what the judge intends to do with him. I think he sends people who slip to the can for a little while to give them an opportunity to think about what they want and let them know this is very serious.
Individuals who have a slip of some sort are given a sanction. It does not always mean they go to jail for a period of time. It depends on how they have been doing and the nature of their violation. In some cases individuals are placed in the jail for their own safety until a revised plan can be developed for them. The drug court works with individuals as they understand the nature of addiction. No one is 100% perfect through this process but the court is there to support individuals and put them in line if they mess up. Drug Court focuses on treatment and recovery supports. Meetings and urine screens are tools that are used. Individually a plan is developed for each person. Peer Recovery Support specialists are assigned to help individuals with employment, housing, education, 12 step meetings, etc. There are a lot of requirements of individuals in drug court. The treatment team which includes Various departments and providers really invests a lot of time monitoring these individuals. It's an excellent program. The individuals not only get the help they need but also know that every week there is a team of people in their corner as they navigate their recovery.
ReplyDelete@7:43,
ReplyDeleteAt least fat people can lose weight. Hatred is hard to get rid of.