Bethlehem City Council, Snakes and Jim Gregory

I dropped in on an what was supposed to be an uneventful meeting of Bethlehem City Council last night. I was there because Jim Gregory, fresh out of the state can, pledged he'd be making his triumphant return. He showed up, too, fashionably late. Instead of sharing his pearls of wisdom, he just sat there.

Before the meeting started, at a Committee hearing, DCED Director Alicia Karner and  Planning Director Darlene Heller stated that they've received no plans for the Martin Tower development, although there have been discussions. This is likely the result of a procedural challenge to the new mixed use zoning ordinance at the site, which remains undecided at this point.

The meeting started with an invocation by Planning Commissioner and former Council member Lou Stellato. I hate when public officials try to impress everyone with their holiness and refused to participate in the hypocrisy. If they can't arrange to get a preacher, then forget the whole thing.

I'm used to seeing 100 or more at a meeting, but last night, there were only 14 people in attendance, aside from City employees,

One citizen complained that he had filed a Right-to-Know request seeking records of all City employees who live elsewhere. He was angry that his request had been denied on the basis that there is no such record. Under our Right-to-Know law,  a municipality has no obligation to create records that are responsive to a request. What this fellow should have done is request the home addresses of every City employee. But it might not do him any good. Home addresses of pubic safety personnel are exempt. Other employees must be notified of a request and provided an opportunity to make their own objection.

This guy can lead City Council in prayer next time.

The topic that dominated this meeting is snakes. No, not politicians. Real snakes

Joe Pearl and William Eaton have bought George's Light Lunch, which used to operate on the West side.They plan to reopen it at 129 E Third Street on the South Side. They sunk $1.5 million into the project so far, but just weeks before opening, they began to notice that something really stinks.

They followed their noses and it led them to 125 E Third Street, which is owned by Dr. Gary Hunsberger. He apparently raises snakes and mice in his basement.

Snakes stink. According to pearl, the odor is "atrocious." As near as I can tell, it's a defense mechanism in their asses.

Pearl got the City involved, and Hunsberger has been given 60-90 days to get rid of the snakes.

Pearl wants them gone now. "Every dime I put into the South Side is going to be useless," he complained. The City wants to show some compassion to the animals, but pearl wants some compassion for "living and breathing human beings."

Council Prez Willie Reynolds repeatedly told Pearl to take it up with DCED Director Alicia Karner, who had only learned about the snake problem earlier that day.

Willie and Council, however, would do nothing that might endanger the snakes.

Professional courtesy.

Former Bethlehem Mayor John Callahan was at this meeting, too. It's a good thing Callahan was there because Mayor Bob Donchez was at home, battling the flu. Callahan offered to take over a few times, but Dave Brong replied, "I got this."

It was Callahan's first time back at Council since his term as Mayor ended, and the only seat the poor bastard could get was next to me. He told me I stink, too. I must admit I do have a defensive mechanism in my ass, just like snakes. I have been told the smell is nauseating, although I enjoy it myself. Periodically, I shared some of that odor with Callahan, who bolted from the meeting.

As the meeting went on, Gregory couldn't stop staring at me. I'm pretty sure the odor from my ass attracted him. After being in stir so long, I understand his desires. But I'm not that kind of snake.

After the meeting, he cornered Chief Mark DiLuzio and I slipped away.