Another False Alarm For Trachta

Nazareth Police Chief Thomas Trachta has had one shitty summer. His prosecution of the Sticker Gang, a trio that had dared criticize him, blew up in his face when it was laughed out of court. Now they're suing him for civil rights violations. So is Officer Fred Lahovski, who was wrongfully terminated. Things got even worse on Sunday. While most of us were watching concussions disguised as NFL football games, Trachta had half of the county's police departments scouring the woods around Nazareth Park. Whirlybirds with search lights lit up little Nazareth, scaring all the ghosts away. They were looking for a missing seven year-old girl. But they'd been punked. On Wednesday, Trachta was punked again. Four schools were placed on lockdown while the Chief and 50,000 cops surrounded a vehicle they thought might be connected to the tragic slaying of PSP CPL Bryon Dickson.

All they found were cupcakes.

Trachta and his sidekick, part-time Officer Danny Troxell, want to prosecute the Sticker Gang and yours truly for making false reports. That way they can do another perp walk with new chains. He was daydreaming about that yesterday, when the phone rang, with a mysterious voice on the other end.

Voice: "How's it going, Cupcake?"

Trachta: "That's Chief Cupcake to you, asshole."

Voice: "All right, all right, don't get touchy. It's not like I'm ISIS ready to behead the Mayor at the Indian Tower. Did you want pepperoni on that piz---

Trachta: "Troxell, get in here."

Troxell: "Yes, Chief, What can I do Chief? Can I play the siren again?"

Trachta (lowered voice): "Shh. Get the Pentagon on the line while I keep this terrorist on the phone. This asshole doesn't know I was a New York City cop,"

Troxell: "Yes Chief, right away, Chief"

Trachta (back on the phone): "Now listen, you bastard, you know America doesn't negotiate with terrorists, don't you?"

Voice:  "Dude, I was just asking if you want pepperoni on your pizza.

Troxell: "Missiles, away, Chief!"

Trachta: "What?"

Troxell: "They'll be here in three, two, one ...

KABOOM!!!!

Half of Nazareth disintegrates and the line goes dead. 

Trachta: "Mother of God, What the Hell did you just do??"

Troxell (looking out window): "That blowed up good, Chief. Real good!" 

Trachta (as sirens wail): "Another false alarm. The Sticker Gang will pay for this!!!"

Troxell: "My daddy will say you did the right thing. Where's our pizza, Chief?"