Tea Party Exonerates Bottom-Feeding Blogger

It did not look good.

When I walked into Chrin's Community Center and Star Chamber for my trial before the Lehigh Valley Tea Party on Friday night, there was a table set up at the front of the room with two presenters, i.e. prosecutors, and a "presiding officer" who himself had already made up his mind that I was guilty as hell.

There were actually supposed to be three prosecutors. King of the Tea Party, Joe Hilliard, was going to step down from his throne and act as Grand Inquisitor. But as the clock ticked closer and closer to 7 PM, Hilliard was nowhere to be found.

He was probably off somewhere, toppling some County government with a slice of pizza. So it fell to the LV Tea Party Unofficial Blogger, Wayne Schissler, to assume the role of Chief Hangman. To his credit, he really tried. He brought his laptop and must have spent hours preparing a damning power point presentation that showed beyond all doubt that I have poked fun at the LV Tea Party, especially the pompous and self-important blowhards at the top.

Yes, I did call Queen of the Tea Party, Kim Schmidtner, the Queen of the Tea Party. I even called her the Queen of Mean. Yes, I did question their complete absence of ethnic diversity. Sure enough, I did slam them when they wanted to have a book banned at Easton School District. Yep, I did question how long it would take before these supposed "patriots" trample all over the First Amendment and censor ideas simply because they disagree with them?

I've certainly been very critical, but I've also been very complimentary. Most members are no different than you. They're actually much nicer than me, and are by no means extremists. But they are upset about the direction of this country, and are doing something about it. People like Stan Bialecki now attend every Lehigh County Commissioners' meeting and is known as its 10th member. Donna Rovito, a freelance writer and editor at Liability and Health News Update, has thrown herself into health care reform and is probably the most knowledgeable person I know on that topic, left or right. Mat Benol, to my consternation, was inspired to run against LV Congressman Charlie Dent. As much as I admire Dent, I was impressed by Mat's self-effacing attitude and pragmatism, and so was Dent. The two became friends.

Whatever you might think of the tea party nationally, it has been a positive influence here locally.

But the thought control police were after me. In addition to the nebulous charge of "acts that could harm the reputation of the Organization," they adopted a resolution telling their press dude to stay away from me, even though I just might be the only local blogger who has actually said something nice about them.

The prisoner's box was a seat at a table facing my prosecutors, but I turned my chair around to face my real judges - rank and file tea party members.

My defense was basically that their "9 principles" trumps their goofy by-laws, and one of them specifically provides, "It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion."

Before the hearing got under way, Presiding Officer Tom McFadden told everyone that the proceedings are "confidential" and must stay in the room. I was told that's in the by-laws. The same ones they were already prosecuting me for violating.

Well, as it happens, that's not part of their by-laws at all. That's just what Hilliard, who must subscribe to Paranoia Weekly, was using to control the membership.

During the course of the hearing, the persecutors were forced to admit they had waited an awful long time, more than a year, before going after me. They had never given me any warnings, either. Some people in the leadership had falsely told rank-and-file members that I had been warned.

I pretty much acted like what I am, an asshole. If it were just me, my head would be on a pike in Hilliard's front yard right now. But I was very fortunate that some people in the rank-and-file, like Rovito, Benol and Ronnie Del Bacco, spoke on my behalf.

They understand that the First Amendment even protects bottom-feeding bloggers.

This exoneration sends a message to the Tea Party leadership. Its membership is unhappy with the direction being set by its King and Queen, Joe Hilliard and Kim Schmidtner.

In recent weeks, King Joe has publicly complained that the group's hard-working Secretary is a "bit dense," that there's a "very tiny minority" with a "dangerous agenda." Like Captain Queeg (Caine Mutiny), poor Hilliard seems to be the victim of constantly disloyal officers.

I'm sure he'll find out who stole the strawberries.