It's The End of The World As We Know It

"Is there a doctor in the house?"

Except for cartoons, when the hell have you ever hear that? It took me 59 years, but those are the exact words I heard as I walked into a crowded Bethlehem School Board meeting at East Hills Middle School last night. All the hot air had affected some poor preteen in the hallway, and he keeled over.

He's very lucky to be alive.

The Northampton County Bulldog, Ron Angle, was there. So was I, not as a bottom-feeding blogger, but in my capacity as his one of his Evil Minions. That's not unusual. We both laughed as the school board inanely tried, and failed, to appoint a replacement for Judy Dexter. Two board members were participating by phone, and some poor bastard had to run the phone to a mike or speaker every three seconds.

Eventually, he keeled over, too.

After Judith Dexter finished telling everyone she really liked getting flowers and pies, the issue was the ArtsQuest TIF. This is where things get really get bizarre. Ron is allied with Jeff Parks, gazillionaire Linny Fowler, project managers and about four different unions. That's right, foo-foos, union thugs, Ron Angle, John Stoffa and even John Callahan (MIA) are united in a pitched battle against School Board Prez Loretta Leeson, who really should audition for the role of Wicked Witch of the West.

Leeson is downright anal about public comment. She strictly limits speakers to three minutes. Business Manager Stacey Gober sits there with a stopwatch, and rudely shouts out "thirty seconds" as people speak. When people attempt to ask questions, Leeson replies there's no discourse. But the second a speaker walks away from the podium, she'll cheap shot him with all kinds of rebuttal at a time when he's unable to respond.

Angle, of course, was nearly tossed. He went beyond his allotted three minutes and basically called Leeson a liar. She started banging the gavel as Gober kept telling Ron his time was up.

This is where things got even stranger. I'm the writer, but last night, Angle wrote a speech for me. It must have been a pretty good one because everyone clapped when I was done, although that might be because it only took me a minute.

Then another strange thing happened. A woman I know was in the audience. She's a babe. Haven't seen her for years. She not only recognized me, but planted one on me, right in the middle of the meeting. Stoffa saw it, too.

That's when I keeled over.

Angle, Stoffa, Jeff Parks & Linny Fowler as the four horsemen. Pretty woman kissing me. Dogs lying with cats. Toads from the sky. It's the end of the world as we know it.