Pip the Mouse Squeaks By Attempted Lehigh County Budget Cuts

Pip the Mouse had a blast, but Lehigh County Comm'r Dean Browning repeatedly took it on the chin during last night's 3 1/2 hour budget hearing. Artsy fartsies, tipped off that Browning was trying to reduce their county grants for the second time in two years, prepared for Mortal Combat.

Arts Museum Director Robert Metzgar was so mad his teeth nearly fell out. "What are you, cRaZy?" is how he started from the podium. From there, things went downhill. He told Commissioners they could forget being re-elected if they insisted on these cuts. "You're going to bring the wrath of our community down on you," he roared. When Commissioners nervously laughed at this old dude on his way to cardiac arrest, he yelled even more. "Something funny up there?" Metzgar looked like he wanted to hop over the dais and roll around with both Glenn Eckhart and Dean Browning, but must have had second thoughts. He settled by condemning Browning's proposal to cut $100 thousand from quality of life grants as a "draconian insane cut." After being repeatedly condemned, Dean Browning finally said, "I get it. I'm a Visigoth barbarian."

Last night's real savior of these arts grants was Pip the Mouse himself, who left his little condo at Liberty Bell Museum to make a rare personal appearance before Commissioners. Too upset to speak, the museum director had to do it for him. Now Pip pretended to be nice, but the little bastard was worse than Metzgar. After the meeting, when Browning tried to start his car, a little mouse bomb exploded. It caused no damage, but Sheriff Rossi will investigate if Commissioners give him four new deputies and a Caddy.

Commissioners considered twelve amendments to Exec Don Cunningham's no-tax-increase budget. Of these dirty dozen, only three proposals survived: a LANTA accounting accommodation; a Percy Dougherty proposal to cut office supplies by ten percent; and an ambiguous deal concerning constable fees.

Commissioners did attempt to eliminate, or at least reduce, a planned 2.5% payraise for nonunion workers. Since they will be paying 33% more for their health care, this basically means most of them would see smaller checks next year.

DA Jim Martin, who usually prosecutes the bad guys, spent last evening repeatedly defending the good guys, the people who make Lehigh County tick. In a forceful presentation, he told them to "do the right thing and for the right reasons. You're going to be taking away the most from the people who can least afford it. It's not, with all due respect, presented for the right reasons. In my opinion, it's nothing more than political posturing, doing an expedient thing politically, at the expense of people who run this government." When they suggested eliminating cell phones, the DA flatly told them they are necessary, and he had in fact received several calls during the meeting. He promised to take Commissioners to court if they interfered with law enforcement.

As you may have guessed, the cell phone proposal went down in flames, with only Percy Dougherty thinking it might be a good idea in some other departments. Attempts to reduce or eliminate payraises were also defeated. Glenn Eckhart, Percy Dougherty and Andy Roman did agree with Browning's 1% compromise.

The deal with constable fees is unclear. It appears that constables have promised that the county will get at least $150 thousand next year. Cunningham Administrator Tom Muller admitted his proposal to employ sheriffs is risky, and agreed to wait a year to see if constables and magistrates can add to the county coffers. Only Andy Roman supported the notion of hiring more sheriffs. "The winds have dramatically shifted here. ... The winds have changed a little too quickly for me."

Wait 'till next year, Andy. A cold wind will be blowing when the next budget is presented. A year from now, the foo foos in designer suits will be replaced by angry taxpayers in flannel shirts, asking the same question Arts Director Metgar posed, "What are you, cRaZy?"

Update: The Morning Call's Bob Orenstein has a more objective account of last night's meeting here. Blogger Michael Molovinsky has an account, too. Now he never appeared at last night's meeting, and excerpts a paragraph from this blog without attribution, but still manages to slam Cunningham for encouraging people to support his own budget. That must be wrong.
Update #2: For a detailed commentary from a conservative who actually attended last night's budget hearing, I invite you to read Ken Petrini's "Profiles in Cowardice."