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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Easton City Council Member El Warner Seeks Illinois Senate Seat

That's right folks, Easton City Council member Elinor Warner wants to be appointed the next United States Senator from Illinois. My source for this startling revelation is her own blog, Synthetic Culture. It's mostly nonpolitical, but I found her sales pitch to Governor Blagojevich. It's pretty good.

1. I can speak to the new owners of my magazine, who I understand are looking for an ad sales rep. This would be the perfect job for either Blagojevich or his wife, because in this economy strong-arming can only help. It wouldn't pay $300K a year, but it's better than nothing.

2. I doubt re-election campaign contributions are needed at this point, but I would be happy to donate $50 to a legal defense fund.

3. One of our local papers is owned by the Tribune Company. I have absolutely no sway with the editorial board, but I promise to go to the online comments page and spam it with supportive posts.

4. I know a member of the SEIU. He might be able to help arrange a position as a medical assistant at the children's hospital of Blagojevich's choice. After all, the Governor's resume indicates a skill at shoveling shit, which is just a step away from bedpans.

5. Because I don't live in Illinois, I have absolutely nothing at stake and couldn't care less about "constituents." Each and every one of my votes in the Senate can therefore be sold to the highest bidder, and I'll give the Governor his take, say 10 points. Top that offer, Jesse Jackson Jr.
Won't Mayor Panto be sad if you leave, El?
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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousDecember 16, 2008 at 11:03 AM

    Obama emerged from that filthy cauldron, outspending his opponent four to one with over a third of the money untraceable. And now it's receiving scrutiny?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ElucidatorDecember 16, 2008 at 11:38 AM

    Thanks for the shout-out, Bernie. Oddly, no one from the Governor's staff has contacted me yet, but I remain hopeful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. J. SPIKE ROGANDecember 16, 2008 at 12:25 PM

    LMAO,
    Yeah its only correct when a REPUBLICAN outspends Democrats four to one. And third parties 800-1.

    I see anon 11:03 how it works. It's ok for us but if a Democrat does it "BLOODY MURDER".

    Let's not forget Ted Stevens and Sarah palin and their bridge to nowhere.

    Let's not forget the GOP "re-districting" of Texas to keep the GOP in charge.

    Let's not forget the same day a Iraqi reporter threw his shoes at W, W himself admited Al-Queda was NEVER in Iraq until the US invasion of 2003.

    Oh wait, it's only a problem if that was Democrats and Independent Liberals involved.

    I see how it works for listeners of WAEB, the Hannitty followers.

    Do as we say, never as we do.

    Maybe the bigger problem is America has just one more party than a dictatorship.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 16, 2008 at 12:50 PM

    Not everyone who disagrees with the ilk of Spike ascribes to simplistic camps he has memorized to parrot the same boring retorts. Time for an original thought? Probably not.

    ReplyDelete
  5. J. SPIKE ROGANDecember 17, 2008 at 7:28 PM

    Oh excuse me let me become another mindless swine who has AM 790 stuck on the radio. "The free markets will fix everything!"

    "Liberals want more government! (pay no mind to 8 years of Bush hiring more governemnt employees for the Department of Homeland Security)"

    "Obama is a muslim!"

    "Sarah Palin was always against the bridge to nowhere!"

    "Governemt needs to stay out of our lives............ we need to change the legislation to keep marriage between a man and woman! "

    "The economy is fundementally sound!"

    Oh wait thats anon 12:50, woops my bad.

    ReplyDelete

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