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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Bill White Arrested For Stalking During Christmas Lights Tour

UPPER MOUNT BETHEL TOWNSHIP: Morning Call columnist and blogger Bill White was arrested Saturday night and charged with stalking during a Christmas Lights Tour gone awry. Using a defective GPS system, White tells police he thought he was in Ironton, looking for one of his top entries. Seeing no Christmas lights anywhere, White claims he pulled over along a dark and dreary road to read the roadsign. When he exited his vehicle, he was reportedly attacked by a specially trained attack sheep.

The sheep in question, LAMBO, is the property of Northampton County Council member Ron Angle. He also unleashed his hounds on a fleeing White. White apparently was only able to run a few hundred yards before being brought down by the Northampton County Bulldog himself, who had hopped on a golf cart and started shooting flares.

"If you were Joe Owens, I'd let you go," Angle reportedly told White. "But the bottom line is I think you were trying to sexually harass me. You and that damn Jolly Joe Timmer. Where is he?"

White refused to give Angle any information other than his name and his reporter ID number. So Angle called a few of his police pals. While they waited, he played Deliverance tunes.

White is supposedly on "Christmas vacation."
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8 comments:

  1. Geoff BraceDecember 23, 2008 at 6:34 AM

    oh man, that's funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 7:12 AM

    it ain't assault if the sheep consents.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 7:40 AM

    Or if the sheep initiates!

    A new Christmas tale, Bernie you should reprint this every holiday going forward.

    The Banker

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bernie O'HareDecember 23, 2008 at 9:06 AM

    Glad you like it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 9:38 AM

    Reminds me of the guy who told the cops he was only helping the sheep over the fence ...

    Good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 9:56 AM

    Excellent....

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 10:16 AM

    This happened because the paper could no longer afford to send him to Hawaii to vacation with the President-Elect. Parrot attacks rarely occur anymore!

    So instead he had to settle for being attacked by our own version of a local colorful bird.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousDecember 23, 2008 at 10:19 AM

    I posted that remark after considering a... sheepish "Baaah" humbug kinda' remark

    ReplyDelete

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