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Monday, June 02, 2008

Hillary Clinton and the Attack of the Giant Pillbugs

If you're an ordinary human, you probably thing Barack Obama has that Dem nomination thing wrapped up. But since you read blogs, you're no ordinary human. And if you're a bizarro blogger like me with an 80' antenna coming out your ass, you already know that Hillary Clinton has made a deal with giant pillbugs. Obama's toast, and I'm gonna' win lots of bets. Ha ha ha ha ha.

The pillbugs have already gotten to the MSM. Pods. But Fafblog (and Booman Tribune) refuse to sleep, and lay out the latest strategy.

Barack Obama is suddenly eaten by giant pill bugs.

On the way to the convention Barack Obama is confronted by gangs of outraged delegates from Florida and Michigan, who feed him to their giant pill bugs.

An obscure quirk of DNC bylaws forces the nomination to be settled by spelling bee. Hillary Clinton gets the word "cat," while Barack Obama is eaten by giant pill bugs.

Just when everything's lookin real bad for Hillary Clinton an she's all outta money an votes an delegates an nobody wants to be her friend anymore an Barack Obama's about to give his acceptance speech an right outta the blue the whole Democratic Party jumps out from behind the couch an yells "SURPRISE!" an it turns out they all voted for her an liked her an remembered her birthday all along! and Barack Obama is booed offstage where he is eaten by giant pill bugs.

So Barack Obama's all "I will defeat you Hillary Clinton and steal the nomination forever ha ha ha" but Hillary Clinton knocks im down with her kung-fu action punch like KA-SMMEESSSSHH! but Obama's all "now I shall reveal my TRUE IDENTITY" an he turns into this evil cyborg dude here an fires his auto-launching arm missiles like KA-PEWW, KA-PEWW an then Godzilla an the Decepticons show up but Hillary Clinton fights em off with her laser breath an her robot pony friends an it's totally awesome an that's when the dinosaurs attack.
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6 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 2, 2008 at 11:05 AM

    Finally. Her "clear path to the nomination" explained. I like it.

    Do the bugs survive until Fall (i.e. October surprise time)?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bernie O'HareJune 2, 2008 at 11:07 AM

    I can't be sure, but think they'll be eating McCain sometime in October and will sewize control of the house. They're already running Harrisburg and Emmaus.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 2, 2008 at 11:30 AM

    Is Emmaus still that bad? It's been quiet over there lately.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bernie O'HareJune 2, 2008 at 11:32 AM

    Nah, Emmaus is fine. Please don't eat me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJune 2, 2008 at 1:47 PM

    Let's not get too ahead of ourselves, according to HC, assassination is not out of the question.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJune 2, 2008 at 2:39 PM

    You're next, O'Hare, but we have to digest Obama first.

    ReplyDelete

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