Norco Workforce: No Salary Study or Place to Eat, But Dressed to Kill

Last December, Northampton County's top dog, John Stoffa, told WGPA's radio audience his top priority this year is the county workforce. In addition to negotiating contracts with all unions, he pledged that the county's antiquated salary structure would get a much-needed overhaul. I think he meant it, too.

Since that time, Stoffa has negotiated agreements with a myriad of county unions. But the residual unit's contract is still outstanding. Worse still, no salary study has started. In fact, no one has even been selected to conduct it. In the meantime, employees still eat at their desks or in halls. Once the workers' cafeteria is completed, there's no contract for anyone to run it.

Do you see how workers just might get the impression they're taken for granted?

Whether he realizes it or not, Stoffa has just given two thousand county workers a new reason to be disenchanted. Are you ready for this? It's a condescending three page dress code that treats grown adults like grade school kids.

No shorts, mini-skirts, exposed midriffs/tops, tight or revealing clothing, etc. Most of this is obviously directed at woman.

This goofy new policy was signed by Stoffa on March 19, over three months after it was supposed to be operational. And it has teeth. "Continued violation of the standards will result in disciplinary action up to and possibly including termination of employment."

"What they do is really insulting. You simply can't tell people what to wear. They don't understand that use of force only brings hatred toward them, not love." Those are not the words of a disgruntled county worker. They come from a woman in Iran. You see, they have a dress code, too. Once we invade Iran to set their women free, perhaps Stoffa can get a few pointers from one of the mullahs we don't kill. If nothing else, John can learn how to give council real scary looks.

No Nose studs, damn it!

"Dangling jewelry and visible facial jewelry (forward of the ears) is not permitted ... ." In other words, no nose studs. Now it just so happens that married Hindu women wear nose studs the way most Christians wear a wedding band. But a Hindu woman, unlike her Christian counterpart, must get special permission, on a "case-by-case" basis, to wear a nose stud. Forcing her to seek permission to practice her religious or cultural beliefs, while not imposing a similar requirement on others, is discriminatory.

Have you ever seen someone challenge a woman's professionalism because she wears a nose stud? Are they unsafe? That must be it. Women must die by the millions from nose studs. Overweight and unbalanced noses must crash through computer monitors all the time.

But wait a 'tic. I'm an expert when it comes to noses. Look at my profile picture. See the schnozz? It would take a pretty big nose stud to be more dangerous than that. My nose has never crashed through a computer monitor, although I do use it to hold the door open for courthouse customers.

And to crack walnuts.

No tongue piercings, damn it!

This troublesome dress code also bans tongue piercings. Now I happen to know two people with tongue piercings whom I consider quite professional. One of them is an Express Times reporter. The other is my daughter. Well, at least one of them is professional. My daughter sthill talkth like thisth when sthee wearsth that damn shtud.

No sthneakerth either, damn it!

The silliness continues, even on "dress down days." That's when workers pay for the privilege of wearing jeans to work. Now they can't wear sneakers, something they've always done. Seriously, have you ever heard a member of the public register outrage over someone who dares to don running shoes? Most pass out before they can do that. It's absurd.

I understand employee attire has a "direct impact on public perception," but I see no need for a formal policy. It's just common sense. And if it's so god-damned necessary, why not first show employees you respect them by putting that overdue salary study on a fast track?

In addition to public perception, there's such a thing as employee perception. Here's what I really am hearing from harried courthouse workers. "What's the sense of having dress down day if we can't wear sneakers?" Or this. "We all hated Glenn [Reibman], but he left us alone. Stoffa should have bigger fish to fry. He needs to leave us alone." They've found this new policy an unwanted invasion of their personal lives and a needless attempt to impose conformity. What a meddlesome county has really done is give employees yet another reason to sue.

Now excusthe me while I get Joe Long'sth picture branded on my assth.