My First Ever Back Room Meeting

Northampton County's citizens' election committee met last night, and I'll be writing about that meeting in a separate post. After the meeting was over, elections commissioner Ralph Stampone invited me to join him at the Tic Toc diner for a slice of pie. "Thirty minutes, Bernie. Tops!"

I wanted to get home so I could write up the damn meeting, but I'm not one to turn down free food. I figured I could gobble the pie and stick Ralph with the bill pretty easily. He's a fat guy, too, and lacks my lightning speed.

I met my date Ralph at Tic Toc, and was waiting for my pie when these two white collar skinny guys came in and sat right next to us. One of them was Russ Shade, who looked like he hadn't eaten for several days. The other thin man was about 18 feet tall and wearing a ridiculous Sherlock Holmes hat. That was John Stoffa.

We fat guys ordered one small slice of blueberry pie. That was my frickin' dinner. The skinny guys ate like there was no tomorrow. Stoffa, who kept saying, "Elementary, my dear O'Hare," scarfed down a mega omelet. Shade gobbled at tuna melt, fries, onion rings and then started drinking all those half and half creamers that diner waitresses toss at you when you order coffee.

I figured I should stick around because I might get some inside info for a good blog post. But after about an hour, all these bastards were talking about was chocolate pie. So I said my goodbyes and was getting ready to leave when the bill came. I ended up spending $5 for one slice of blueberry pie and coffee, and I think Shade was licking my plate as I left.

So now I'm out $5, hungry, behind in my writing and all I have to show for my efforts is this lousy post.

That's OK. Ralph now has a flat tire.