Friday, July 22, 2016
Joseph Bleiler, known to his friends as Joey B, started using heroin at age 13. The result of that lifestyle is revealed by headlines like "Son wielded knife, wrestled with mother, according to Roseto police chief" "Roseto mom purchased heroin in Easton with 17-year-old son in car, police say" and "Joseph Bleiler shops on another man's dime."
Joey B is a participant in Northampton County's Drug Court, and was promoted to Phase 2 yesterday after writing and reading this essay in open court to his ex-wife, heroin.
Well old friend it's been a long time since we last talked, I remember the last time we talked it was a rough day the last time I saw you. You know you really destroyed a lot of my life. You took my family from me, and you took my own life. It's because of you that my arms are always cold. You're the reason my family turned their backs on me, because you did this to me you ended up making me the evil person I did not want to be. That would steal anything that wasn't tied down. You broke me spiritually, emotionally and physically. You robbed me of my dignity and self-respect. You took everything from me. You stole my family and you made all my friends hate me and worst of all you took it all. I have nothing because of you, you made me weak and broken. I definitely won't let it happen again. I loved you, and you never gave me anything but a bad life because you drained me of everything I ever had. I committed crimes because of your influence and tried to take my own life. You left bruises on my arms. You made my life a living hell. I hated each day that I had to wake up and see you robbing everyone I know just for me to feel normal. I'll never give you that control again, because today I found a better way. I found I don't need you make me feel sick. In fact, just the thought of you makes my stomach turn. I lost it all for you, and I promise you'll never get another thing from me as long as I live. I won't let you take my life the way you did before because I'm stronger than you and I know you don't like it. The pestering of me every day was the worst part. The last thing I ever gave you was my freedom. You will never have anything of mine again. I was lost in a dark room with you and I won't go back to that room. I have nailed that door shut. left you. In the past all you wanted was to see me dead, and give me a false sense of happiness. ...
I have broken those chains you shackled me in. I have taken my life back, and I won't let you back in any matter how much you beg. I will never give this life up. It is beyond my wildest dreams. I don’t want to lie in bed with you anymore. That bed was cold, dark and filled with nothing but pain. I never knew who I was until now, and I'll never give it up. I want this forever.
You'll always be a distant memory of what life was like. I will never give you another ounce of my being. You took so much from my life, all the time I missed with my family, all the people who came and went in my life because of you. You took so many of my friends’ lives, but I won't let you take mine.
I remember the first time I met you, you made me feel complete inside. You could do no wrong and everything was just perfect. Then one day I woke up and thought I had the flu, turns out it was my body just missing you. Once I got you back in my veins, where you belonged, all my permanent problems were temporarily solved. Slowly but surely, you began to destroy my life. My family and friends just didn't understand that I had taken a vow and made you my wife. I loved you more than I loved my own mother for some reason even I couldn't understand. There in my room I sat, with all my possessions gone, my life gone, with just a mattress and a room. I gave you one last shot and fell on my face, hoping that I wouldn't awake. Then someone walked in my room and saved my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. Now I have a clear understanding that what I did was not right.
I thought life was perfect, I thought it was pure, but them the law caught up and I found a cure. On sheer willpower I couldn't go alone. I remember the nights crying on a jailhouse phone, pleading for forgiveness, asking for help. When I was released it was put on a shelf, never to be thought of again till the day you robbed me of my only best friend.
Alone in my cell is where I sat, when I got the news my mother had passed. I missed the last moments she had alive because I wanted to be with you one very last time. That was the last time you tried to take my life. After that day, you were no longer my wife. You took way too much and it wasn't enough, so no longer will I be a shell just left to wander and rust. Today I found a new way to live happy and free, so I'm closing the door and tossing the key. This is the last time I speak to you.