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Nazareth, Pa., United States

Friday, October 23, 2015

Jesus Christ Mulls Suit Against Northampton County


Our Holy Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, was at the Northampton County Courthouse today. Donning a Burger King Crown and Marriott Hotel towel around his head, the Messiah immediately attracted followers in the form of Deputy Sheriffs as He made his way, Bible in hand, to the row offices. There, the Son of God announced His intentions to sue the County for harassment.

Though unclear exactly what County officials are currently doing to make life miserable for the Light of the World, this does mark the second time that secular authorities and the Christ have been at odds. Two thousand years ago, they crucified Him.

"He was very nice," gushed one row officer after the Chosen One promoted her to Civil Receptionist. But He left the Courthouse without actually filing a complaint, promising that that He'll be coming back when least expected.

Before leaving, He provided several Aramaic autographs that County officials pledged to sell to help pay for a proposed 4.5% increase in the salaries of non-union employees.

He refused to answer any questions about the Eagles this year. "I'm Jesus Christ, not Lombardi."

27 comments:

michael molovinsky said...

i understand that you are his first disciple, bernie from nazareth. you certainly needed some guidance.

Bernie O'Hare said...

He can only do so much.

Anonymous said...

Given what was done by somne county people to Jim Gregory I am not surprised by his wrath. Brother Gregory has been saved and is a true disciple of Jesus. A role model for others who need to repent.

It is good to see the man himself serving notice on those who persecute Jim . Next stop the city of Bethlehem.

Anonymous said...

I thought maybe it was the Ten Commandments thing that brought him out or maybe Ron Angle had arranged his visit?

Anonymous said...

Bernie,
This is just about as hillarious as Ron shit slinging shit fly story¿!($ In the triborio county seat if I redd right as well as seen we have a black christ too¿!($
Just entertaining reading, the populous has caught on to the circus sideshows playing out to and want to join¿!($
redd
patent pending

Charlie Touchdowns said...

This sounds like an article on the onion.com. Fantastic!

Bernie O'Hare said...

Except it happened!

Bernie O'Hare said...

"I thought maybe it was the Ten Commandments thing that brought him out or maybe Ron Angle had arranged his visit?"

Is this supposed to be funny? Go back to political hit jobs.

Anonymous said...

Brother Gregory has been made an honorary black on his cellblock in SCI Pitts on account of his deep knowledge of scripture and understanding of the Koran which he only began studying this spring.

Bernie can expect to see Jim quite often at the NorCo court house where he will begin his campaign of restoring his reputation among the political elites. It is not too late for you to accept Christ into your life Bernie and there is no one more qualified to reunite you with his spirit other than Jim Gregory. In the not too distant future every council meeting will begin with a prayer uttered by the mouth that roared.

Shalom.

alfonso todd said...

A Black Jesus? He actually looks more culturally correct than the blue eyed one widely worshipped.

Alfonso Todd

Anonymous said...

Jesus Jim Gregory is a true servant of God. Jim has found Jesus and preaches the word throughout the state. Jim has the dark swarthy Mediterranean looks of the Man from Galilee.

He will soon return and hopefully he can help people like Bernie O'Hare and some of the others on this blog find the Faith and seek the Light of Truth.

Anonymous said...

I don't know about anyone or anythingelse, but mine is a spiritual being and faceless¿!($ Sorry butt the picture is to small for my old eyes to focus and I was not being racist¿!($

Just shits and giggles with those that follow the circus winds of change¿!($

Mr. Todd you seem like a man that may have cooked this up with Bernie for a good laugh¿!($ If you noticed also I did not mention allentowns hamburgalar kings crown nor the towel on his head¿!($

redd
patent pending epicentral

Anonymous said...

Figueroa is a piece of garbage. Waste of life really. He is nothing but a problem for this county. I hear he is banned from any county building right now. Same shit head that is currently on bail for filling a spray bottle with shit and piss and spraying a corrections officer with it. Do not play nice with this moron.

Anonymous said...

Mental illness is a growing concern in our society. The shame is that this problem goes largely unrecognized & untreated. The steady flow of mentally ill flow into our prisons without much concern from the public until they flow out into other public buildings.
This case may have been humorous but unfortunately he and others have the capability to turn a laughing matter into something tragic.

Bernie O'Hare said...

7:04, I can only imagine how the CO so assaulted must feel. This guy is lucky he can walk after doing something like that. It is a credit to the officers that they somehow kept their composure and acted professionally under the worst kind of provocation. They were somehow able to do this bc they know that no person is a complete "waste of life." I believe all human life is sacred.

Bernie O'Hare said...

9:40, You are correct. This was just oto funny to pass up, but i tried to respect this person's dignity.

JesusDaDon said...

NEVER JUDGE A MAN TILL YOU WALK A MILE IN HIS SHOES

Jesus Figueroa said...

DEPRIVATION OF RIGHTS BY COLOR OF LAW SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALOT OF HATE IN THEIR HEARTS

Jesus Figueroa said...

DEPRIVATION OF RIGHTS BY COLOR OF LAW SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALOT OF HATE IN THEIR HEARTS

Anonymous said...

Jesus, contact Jim Gregory in SCI Pittsburgh to join the new Unity PAC we need ex cons who see the value in gassing authority figures when matters become serious. His number is #LE1514, he could also use some money on his books, please join he movement.

Anonymous said...

Please don't mock Jim Gregory. he has been reborn and could teach some of you a lot about redemption and humility. This gentleman in the story should consider working with Jim when he makes his return. Jim Gregory does not see color and has been a part of all races in his work.

Anonymous said...

Hopefully Jim Gregory the spiritual leader of the Lehigh Valley will soon return and join forces with Black Jesus. The duo will reach out and save more souls than the twelve apostles. It will be a great day in the Valley when Jim Gregory forgives all those who have sinned against him, including Bernie O'Hare.

Anonymous friend said...

Go f*** yourself a-hole. You must be in corrections and know the victim or something..you cannot state your opinion as if it's a fact because who knows what happened to make that situation transpire so stick to being the twelfth member of the jury because ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE lol

Bernie O'Hare said...

Maybe it was Holy Water.

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't entertain a person like this. He acted like a animal in the prison and made threats to numerous county employees. That's why he has deputies around him in the picture. Giving an animal like this attention only makes him feel empowered. Which in reality he's just an idiot that's going back to jail.

Jesus Figueroa said...

Thanks for the support Captain

Jesus Figueroa said...

Thanks for the support Captain!