|Yes, those are windshield wiper glasses. The derringers were|
Ron's gift to Max.
Because he had given his servants a half day off, Angle did the cooking. He's pretty good. Just last year, over 500 people in Upper Mount Bethel were ready to string him up over what he insists is his God-given right to spread shit on his land. So naturally, the first course was shit on a shingle. Quite tasty, too. There were also slabs of bacon, mountains of homefries, eggs cooked however you want them and, believe it or not, filet Mignon.
I was joined there by Bangor School Director Bob Cartwright and the evil Mark.
There are two Marks in Upper Mount Bethel. The good Mark is Mark Cotturo, a former male model adored by women everywhere, kinda' like me. His flaw is that he is always trying to help people. He probably spent Christmas at some food bank or conent. Evil Mark is Mark Thatcher. He gained some notoriety last year when he flushed Tony Lynch's cell phone right down the shitter at the Mount Bethel Diner.
Though Angle got a crack scuba team to fish it out of there, the phone was beyond hope and had to be shot.
Evil Mark is badass, almost as bad as me. Almost. Nobody has ever written any essay calling him the Son of Satan.
Thatcher also likes to heckle people at public meetings. He sometimes goes to Upper Mount Bethel or Bangor school meetings just so he can torment officials. He and Angle pull a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 act. Most of it is barely audible. Cartwright pretends he doesn't know them.
At one school board meeting that I attended, I got blamed for the Thatcher and Angle wisecracks. A school teacher got up and tried to give me a detention, while Angle and Thatcher sat there like altar boys.
Cartwright, who lives in Portland, tells me it's the Cancun of the Lehigh Valley. He has been criticized over the years for just about everything. But one thing even his enemies agree on is that he is a great father to his 18 and 19 year old daughters. They gave him a coffee mug (he ordered them to give him nothing) inscribed with some very sweet sentiments by these two young ladies to their dad.
Badass Mark usually gets despondent at Christmas because there are so few row home fires. But after Cartwright read him a week's worth of obituaries, he was smiling again. He didn't have to flush anyone's cell phone.
Ron's sons Max and Ron, Jr., were home and sat down with us old farts for a bit, which was very nice of them both. Ron's beautiful wiife Sharon, who was at the barn when we first came, eventually joined us, too.She tried to get away, but we got here just as she was hopping the fence. She got stuck on the barbed wire.
She gave me a kiss.
But then again, so did Badass Mark.
A lot of you wonder if Ron is running for this or that office. I like to fan those flames myself, from time to time. I know it drives his detractors nutz.. Also, there are very few people who are as knowledgeable about local government as he. But he seems unenthusiastic about a do-over. He actually enjoys occupying the highest office we have - citizen.
As I left him, he was going out to feed his cows.