Friday, March 18, 2011

O'Hare, Angle Face Morganelli's Spanish Inquisition

Ron Angle and I are in the clear, baby! That's right. During last night's Northampton County Council meeting, Grand Inquisitor Lamont McClure reluctantly admitted that they got nothing on us. Nothing. "I'm not troubled by anything I saw in the bills related to him [O'Hare], yet." So despite the ominous warning of self-proclaimed election law expert Larry the Otter that people might be going to jail, followed by absurd comparisons to Bonusgate, I've decided to put off buying rubber underwear for the next week or two.

Channel 69 and all kinds of "concerned" citizens have been calling DA John Morganelli, demanding that he do something. Well, lay off, people. Morganelli dragged both of us into a specially convened Gracedalegate Grand Jury yesterday afternoon. The panel consists completely of members of the Northampton County Democratic Committee. "It's all I could get on such short notice," explained Morganelli.

His special assistant prosecutor? The Spanish Inquisition.

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Grand Jury Testimony of Bernie O'Hare, aka Bernard V. O'Hare III, aka the Pope of Blogging, aka BO, aka Bernie O'Hater, aka Kato.

Morganelli: Cardinal, read the charges.

Cardinal Garvin: You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Holy Democratic party, in that you support Republican candidates and prefer good government to partisan politics. Confess!

Q. Your name?

A. I plead the Fifth.

Q. You'r invoking your right against self-incrimination already?

A. No, I want a drink.

Q. You would have us believe you were not secretly represented by Eckert Seamans, isn't that right?

A. Yes.

Q. Mr. O'Hare, isn't it a fact that you lost your license to practice law for forgery?

A. I didn't lose it. It was taken away. There's a difference.

Q. Can you explain why you've suddenly started getting all these title search orders from Eckert Seamans?

A. I am?

Q. Well, they just deposited $1,000 in your bank account.

A. Are you sure that isn't money from Angle?

Q. You've started drinking again, haven't you?

A. Why, what have you got?

Q. What sick mind would call you Kato? You're not Asian and you're not skinny.

A. Yes, I am.


Grand Jury Testimony of Ron Angle, aka the Emperor, aka Green Hornet

Q. Can you state your name?

A. Everybody knows me, you gutter snipe. I just did a poll and 99% of the East Coast knows me. The other 1% is lying.

Q. Can you produce that poll?

A. One of my cows just ate it. Can I light my cigar in here?

Q. Did you at one time have a radio show?

A. Yes, I did, you filthy prostitute. I had a morning radio show called the Ron Angle show and it featured me, Ron Angle. It was quite good, too. I did a poll and 99% of the Lehigh Valley tuned in every morning and the other 1% is lying.

Q. Can you produce that poll?

A. Listen, I don't give a damn if you run my ass out of office next year. I've got a bunker.

Q. Can you tell me how many wills you forged?

A. That hasn't been proven, you political hack.


After it was over, Angle and I cut a deal with Morganelli and sold out Stoffa. After all, he's older than us and is already missing a few fingers. Nobody will try to rape him in jail.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know he said this without investigating. I'm sure the DA will do a thorough job. Maybe put the rubber panties on layaway.

Anonymous said...

Lamont is a poor example of a lawyer. According to you. Now he is the voice of reason. According to you.

Anonymous said...

Angle behaved like the school yard bully he enjoys portraying. One on one without the press and not on his Dias, he is a coward. Just like how he ran like a girly man from Ton Severson. Tonight he showed again why he is unfit for public office. He sees his position as one of retribution and revenge for his own gratification and not the good of the electorate.

After demeaning Steve Barron and a respected Bethlehem attorney, Lamont McClure and past county officials, Angle cried that it has been done to him. he should have an apology. Maybe the Johnson family deserves an apology. Then he tries to play a political game with the controller's office, which is independent of the County council and the Executive.

What now another taxpayer funded lawsuit to sate poor Ronny boys hurt feelings. The important point being the Controller is independently elected and Council has no business in his affairs.

Also this is the action of a child but that is classic Angle. Please District four voters, the county has endured this oaf long enough.

He exposes nothing, he saves nothing, he adds nothing but a sad and angry element to Northampton County government.

It is time he is retired by the voters. His bullshit is no longer humorous or entertaining, it is now embarrassing to the county and downright libelous.

Anonymous said...

Love you, Bernie. But don't like to see you anywhere near the fifth.

Anonymous said...

Ha-larry-us!!! LMFAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Angle is the only member of council with any guts. He is a supreme advocate for his region. Whether you like it or not he will be around for a long time.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Just like how he ran like a girly man from Ton Severson."

Anybody who defends convicted criminal Severson is out of his mind. Angle chose not to disrupt the funeral of a friend. He acted like an adult. Severson acted like what he is - a criminal.

Bernie O'Hare said...

"Lamont is a poor example of a lawyer. According to you. Now he is the voice of reason. According to you."

McClure is by no means the voice of reason, nor is this post intended as a compliment to him. Even the way he exonerated Ron and me, he acted as though it is just for want of evidence. I find him to be a poor example of an elected official bc he does no work.

Anonymous said...

for a guy you claim does no work , he's very well informed on the issues facing the county. could be he's reserving exonerating you because he's not convinced you didn't do anything wrong.

Anonymous said...

"I've got a bunker."

I'm gonna laugh about that one for a week. I could honestly see Angle slamming his fist on a table while yelling this at somebody.

Now, if you two had been thinking this one through, you would have made a deal to give Morganelli what he really seeks: an uncontested election for the AG's office. It's his holy grail.

Anonymous said...

Morgy needs an uncontested road to AG because he loses whenever an opponent shows up to fog the mirror. He's sentenced to NorCo for life.

Anonymous said...

Lamont was the only one to make sense last night. Lamont should demand an apology for Angle's crack about his wife. Angle cries when people call him on his shit and O'Hare freaks out if angle family members are mentioned.

The old double standard continues. Oh and Stoffa sounded like he was high. His graveyard comments were as about as relevant and meaningful as his Administration's past five year performance has been.

What a maroon!!

BUCKS BARRISTER said...

Stoffa third term
23 and 1/2 months to 4 years in the Norco facility adjacent to the courthouse
the one with the neat orange suits and razor wire

Bernie O'Hare said...

Bucks Barrister, aka Mr. Otter, Statements like that are both unprofessional and irresponsible.

Anonymous said...

Look who's calling the kettle black!

Give that sermon to Angle.

Anonymous said...

Morganelli will do the right thing for the County.
When you do wrong and are caught -you pay - no matter who you are .
every dog has their day and the day is coming sooner than you think.

Anonymous said...

Jackass

Anonymous said...

you protest quite a bit on this subject, i am begining to think you are trying to deflect attention from what really happened here. let them investigate the matter if you have nothing to hide.