Friday, September 25, 2009

LV Conservative Voice Gives Me a Fruit Basket

I was going to spend a quiet evening at home, throwing hatchets into the wall, until I remembered that Lehigh Valley Conservative Voice (LVCV) was having some sort of public meeting last night. Figuring this was my chance to load up on "cigars, cognac and fine wine," I bolted over to Allentown's Scottish Rite Center.

As everyone knows, the Scottish Rite is actually some sort of secret society bent on world domination. It includes the Gettys, Rotschilds, Vatican, Queen Elizabeth, George Foreman and Scott Armstrong. Shawn Millan is their evil henchman, and sure enough, he was the first person I saw when I entered the belly of the beast. He had local Republican Julian Stolz strapped to the rack, and was yelling as I slipped past him.

"Talk, Stolz! Did you ever vote for a Democrat, yes or no?"

"No."

"You lie!"

Shawn turned the crank a little and poor Julian broke down.

"Alright, alright, I admit it. I voted for Sam Bennett. She has nice hair."

Shawn laughed maniacally, and cranked the rack a little more.

It's nice to see someone who really loves his job.

I decided to disguise myself instead of telling this horde of nearly two hundred meat-eating, gun-toting conservatives that a pinko was in their midst. So when I got my name tag, I carefully scrawled "Barack Obama." That should fool those knuckledraggers.

Unfortunately, Joe Hilliard blew my cover almost immediately. "Hey Bernie, nice to see you. You and Barack Obama have the same initials and you both stink." Right after that, Scott Armstrong grabbed me and said, "You're paying for your food."

"Rightyo, Scott, rightyo."

That's why I was there. I was expecting a buffet of lobster and filet mignon and whatever else it is that Republicans eat. Maybe freedom fries. But all I saw were chicken mcnuggets and watermelon. What is up with that? Obviously, this was intended as some sort of racist slur.

Let me tell you, it was a veritable who's who of local conservatives. In addition to the players I've already mentioned, I saw Vic Mazziotti, John Hinkle, Lou Hershman, Dave Shoemaker, Glenn Eckhart, Dawn Berrigan, Bill Hall, Dave Balliet, Bill Platt, Dr. Bob Romancheck and Mike Schware. I also finally met affable Allentown City Council candidate Joe Brudnak.

Former Northampton County Council member Nick Sabatine told this collection of conservatives they need to work within the Republican pary. Third party efforts will fail. He should know. He organized the Patriot Party in Pennsylvania and ultimately became its national chair. Although his party included people as varied as Klansmen and Communists, it has evaporated. Nick explained why. "Ultimately, people will not vote for a third party candidate because they can't win. They can only make a point."

Last night's keynote speaker was Lehigh County Exec candidate Scott Ott, who delivered a lengthy but stirring speech. At his most eloquent, he derided real estate taxes as the "most pernicious form of taxation out there," noting their impact on seniors with fixed incomes. "We owe them an explanation of what we do with their money. You think we pay sheriffs to take care of you. But we pay them to take away your home. ... Is it too much to ask that our government show a little restraint and cut spending at this time?" Ott claims that incumbent Exec Don Cunningham has "backed himself into a corner," which means a tax increase or spending cuts next year.

"You lie!" I was ready to shout, but Millan was a little too close and had already turned poor Julian Stolz into an NBA player. So I ate some watermelon.

Ott received a standing ovation from an obviously friendly crowd. The closing ceremonies included a raffle drawing, followed by some waterboarding videos. The fruit basket was won by a person Scott Armstrong called the "biggest fruit in the room." Me.

Those damn Republicans can't win anything.

Now I completely disagree with most of what I heard last night. I believe government exists to help people who can't help themselves, while these folks tend to view government as our worst enemy. But I still left feeling really good inside. Despite occasional digs that were more humorous than insulting, we both want to help people. There was none of the partisan rancor that has made dialogue impossible. We just have different approaches.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Government exists to help people who can't help themselves"

----------------------------------

"From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs."

Author KARL MARX (Mr. Communist, himself), "Critique of the Gotha Program"

-----------------------------------

How does one expect the government to pay for everything. Tax the people, of course, I assume.

So how much tax is too much tax?

(How much help is too much help?)

And what, then, of "To each according to his contribution", which is another Marxism found in the Gotha document?

What happens WHEN The Workers' Paradise has fewer actual contributors as compared to non-contributing recipients?

According to CBSNEWS.COM (4/15/09), an "astonishing 43.4% of Americans now pay zero or negative taxes."

Anonymous said...

Bernie,

I think the Nick Sabatine you met is the son of the former county councilman who chaired the local Patriot Party. My memory might be a little crossed, but I think you're describing the dad, who died recently -- unless both chaired the party.

Doug

Bernie O'Hare said...

Doug,

I've known Nick for years. He is a former county councilman and he is the former state and national chair of the Patriot Party. Now he's writing songs.

Joe Hilliard said...

Bernie,

Glad to have your there. Some exclaimed "Bernie is here!" I simply stated, "I disagree with a lot of Bernie's politics, but he tends to be fair."

Well, you were but you failed to praise the common sense principles of conservative ideas. What's up with that!? I guess we have to give you some more free fruit!

Donald said...

What a hoot - I do believe what Bernie describes here is what happens at most political rallys in this country but MSM chooses not to fully cover them becuase there is no drama.

I attended a Demo Women rally in the spring and was pleased to note that they were not performing abortions in the restroom and the homosexual recruiters were left out side on the sidewalk.

ironpigpen said...

No way you had fun with repugnant, rude and racist Republicans, O'Hare.

What else what in the fruit basket, any cabbage or, perhaps, bread?

(GOP is notoriously corrupt, of course)

Anonymous said...

Bernie, you're too fair and have too keen a sense of humor to be a liberal. Loved the spirit of the post.

"The closing ceremonies included a raffle drawing, followed by some waterboarding videos," is simply classic.

Too bad everybody's sensitivities re: Obama are on such a hair trigger. His joke potential is limitless, for those intrepid enough to take shots. I'll bet Nancy Pelosi can tell some good Obama jokes with a straight face.

Chris Casey said...

I intended to go to this, but I waited all evening for RCN to show up and despite repeated calls, they blew me off. Now I am home, waiting on Direct TV.
I am not as rigid a pol as this group, but Was interested in what they have to say.
When you throw out the racist extremists crap, the core principles of personal responsibility are appealing.

My Mom was Republican, and she was never rude, repugnant, or racist, and when I read or hear that, i am disgusted.

Anonymous said...

Chris, my old man was a Republican businessman who never uttered a foul word and always spoke fairly of unions and the importance of the right to collectively bargain in a capitalist system. His pre-WWII textile workers local from Allentown sent care packages of Hershey's bars and cigarettes that found him wherever the navy shipped him throughout the war. Maybe things were different then. Maybe it's because the discourse was a bit more civil.

Anonymous said...

It looks like they only put the low hanging fruit in the basket. I think they were just being lazy.

Bernie O'Hare said...

My grandson really appreciates the fruit. For some reason, he does not like candy or pastries that much, but LOVES fruit. Go figure. He'll kill off all the fruit in two or three days tops.

Anonymous said...

Maybe your "grandson" (wink wink) will enjoy this?

THE UGLY TRUTH ABOUT BERNIE O'HARE

Part 1: Overview

Part 2: George Usry

Part 3: Lucille White

Part 4: Still Duped By O'Hare?

Anonymous said...

Hey Villa, leave O'Hare's grandson out of this. He's a little kid, for Chrissake!

Bernie O'Hare said...

Villa, you are really a disgusting piece of shit. You've been convicted of harassment once, have been charged a second time by someone else, and a third set of charges are in the works. You are setting yourself up for jail time.

Anonymous said...

Yawn.

pat wallace said...

Villa,

And you wonder why no one cares about you. You have demonstrated that you are a bully, liar, and a vulgar asshole. You have just won a TROLL bingo!

Jared said...

I really like the fruit basket!